


Remember Me

by carolelained



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 13:58:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4831646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolelained/pseuds/carolelained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young Alex gets into trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Me

Remember Me  
By CarolelaineD

  
Another day and still the same old bullshit going around, sometimes I wonder why I even bother getting up on a morning. Fine I hardly get any sleep anyway so getting up is easy, fuck it I just needed a good strong coffee before the day starts.

  
It’s not long before I’m up and ready to leave, I grab my keys and set off for a day’s work, I drive via the coffee shop to get my caffeine fix. I strode inside and soon found an empty seat in the corner, I was miles away as I waited for the waitress to appear.

  
“What can I get you Sir?”

  
The voice brought me from my daydream back to reality, I looked up to see the waitress was actually a waiter. Fuck he was so young and gorgeous and had eyelashes to make any woman jealous.

  
“Yeah a coffee would be great thanks”

  
I watched his backside as he walked away from me, God the man was a turn on and was oozing sex appeal. Soon he returned with my coffee and placed it on the table in front of me.

  
“Anything else Sir?”

  
“You naked over that table would be good to start with.”

  
“Excuse me Sir.”

  
“You heard me.”

  
“Sorry I need to go serve other customers.”

  
I watched smiling to myself, the man was even sexier when he was flustered.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Fuck I had to wonder if this guy was for real, great now he was calling me over for another coffee. The man was good looking but way out of my league, what with his age and his posh suits.

  
Soon however I was on my way back with another coffee, shit this time however my hands were trembling beyond my control.

  
“Your coffee Sir.”  
“Thanks gorgeous.”

Shit I realized the coffee was going everywhere as my hand shook, great I then grabbed some napkins to mop up the spill.

  
“I’m sorry Sir.”

  
“Hey don’t let me stop you.”

  
Shit I realized I was panicking and wiping the man’s leg, worse still I also realized the man was getting hard. God I had to get out of here before things became even worse if that was possible, however it was then that he pulled me closer to him.

  
“Feel free to keep rubbing me babe.”

  
I just took off and fled into the kitchen, I would also have some explaining to do to my boss when he found out.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
The kid was so easy to lead on, it was then I realized I could have some fun and maybe get what I wanted. I paid my bill and casually asked what time the waiter got off, I just made out that I knew him and he’d felt unwell. 

  
I now knew that the waiter would be leaving in four hours, plenty of time to go home and shower and change, then all I had to do was call work and pull a sickie. It was not something I would normally do however I just felt drawn to the place, well drawn to that gorgeous waiter.

  
I had no idea why I felt this way towards him, it was like some animal part of me just wanted him at any cost, soon I was all ready and on my way back to that small coffee shop.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I finally finished my shift a little earlier, I was glad I had finished as I just kept messing everything up today. I knew that I’d been alright at the start of my shift, I’d been alright until the man in the suit had made me so nervous.

  
My boss had said that I could leave half an hour early as I’d felt sick, I sat down on an old crate and pulled the joint from inside my pocket. I had hardly ever used the stuff anymore only when I was nervous, at this moment in time I needed to calm my nerves more than ever.

  
I knew that if I fucked up the job or my boss sacked me what would happen, all my funding would disappear for my F.B.I training. I was finally starting to feel chilled out and relaxed, however that was when I heard that voice once more.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Things were really looking up now, shit I could smell the weed from the other end of the alley. I walked around the corner pulling out my badge and gun, now it was time to have some real fun.

  
“F.B.I drop the joint onto the ground now.”

  
“Fuck.”

  
“Yeah you could say that, hands against the wall and spread your legs now.”

  
Well this was turning out far better than I’d planned, the kid was so young and as nervous as hell.  
I walked over and started to search him, paying extra attention to his thighs then his crouch, I would swear the kid was starting to get hard so I searched him once more to be sure.

  
“Well look what we’ve got here.”

  
“It’s just for personal use I swear.”

  
“They all say that kid, just save it and tell it to a judge.”

  
“Shit no please I can’t.”

  
“Sorry but I call the shots here not you.”

  
“You don’t understand do you, shit please I can’t be arrested.”

  
“And just why would that be, what makes you different from anyone else?”

  
“Please I’m training to join the F.B.I.”

  
“Are you taking the piss out of me?”

  
“No please I swear that’s why I’m working here to pay my college fees.”

  
“You’re serious aren’t you?”

  
“Yes, please just let me go and I’ll do anything you want.”

  
Great maybe this was going to be my lucky day.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Shit here I was in a dirty fuckin alley, just to top it off all my dreams were hanging by a thread. What the fuck had I been thinking smoking the joint in public, one joint and my whole future could be also up in smoke.

  
I’d realized straight away it was the man from earlier as soon as he’d spoke, however I would swear he was touching me far more than normal. God he was an F.B.I Agent and he was coping a feel, hell maybe if I played along he would let me go.

  
"Turn around slowly and face me.”

  
I did as I was told and still expected him to arrest me, however I’d not expected to have to sink so low to save my career, ha save a career that could turn me in to this man. Shit he was an F.B.I Agent just what I myself wanted to be, it made me wonder if I would ever be as low as him.

  
“Hands out in front of you.”

  
Shit I watched as the Agent cuffed my hands together, I now knew I had no future at all.

  
“Please don’t do this, don’t arrest me.”

  
“Listen to me.”

  
“Okay what.”

  
“I want you to really listen and pay attention, do you think you can do that?”

  
“Yes anything please.”

  
“I will give you two choices, you will then have one minute to decide.”

  
“Yeah okay.”  
“You will drop to your knees and open my pants, you will then give me the best blow job you’ve ever given anyone in your life.”

  
“What, shit no please.”

  
“Let me finish, that or I arrest you, I will also claim that you was violent and resisted arrest, your choice.”

  
“You can’t do this to me.”

  
“I just did it and your time is running out, what you said your name was.”

  
“It’s Alex, please I’ve never done anything like this before.”

  
“Do the best you can then, your choice this or no future.”

  
Great I knew deep down there was no choice to make.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
The look on the kids face was priceless, great and to top it off he was a virgin at all this. I knew that I was taking a big risk out here in the open, but I’d be dammed if I could resist his boyish good looks.

  
The kid was fucking gorgeous, also the thought of that mouth was making me extremely hard. I was starting to think the kid would rather be charged than sink this low, however I was surprised when he dropped to the ground on his knees.

  
Soon I felt his hands trembling with the zipper on my pants, I knew I would have to be patient due to his inexperience.  
However I was soon to find out just how good he was, also how talented that mouth really was.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
What the fuck was I doing, shit here I was giving this man exactly what he wanted. Shit was I really prepared to go through with this just for a career, worse was I already knew the answer was yes.

  
I undid the zipper to find him already hard, I felt sick not knowing what he was expecting as this was my first time. Basically I just kept my mouth open and worked up a rhythm, he fucked my mouth hard forcing himself in further and further. I felt like I was choking, yet like a good little whore I just let him do it. I felt the hot tears run down my cheeks and I still never even stopped him, shit maybe there was a reason and I deserved it.

  
God I thought that he would pull out when he came, no his hand just gripped my hair even tighter. Suddenly I felt the hot cum in my mouth, he had no choice but to pull out then as I started choking.

  
“You did well for your first time, I’m sure you will get better after the next time.”

  
“Fuck you as there won’t be a next time.”

  
All I wanted was to get far away from here, as far away from him as possible. God no that was when I noticed the phone in his hand, I also noticed the video it was playing of me, I knew I was fucked either way now.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
The kid did surprisingly well for his first time, I was originally going to pull out when I came, however I never wanted to leave the heaven I found myself in.  
I knew there and then that I’d want more, that was why I’d decided to plan ahead. At least this way I would be covered and prepared for anything, well anything that could threaten my own job.

  
The look on the kids face was priceless when he saw the video, he had realized and knew I’d recorded everything.

  
“You see Alex there will be a next time.”

  
“No, shit there’s no way you can use that as evidence.”

  
“And why would that be.”

  
“Because it will end your own career.”

  
“I never recorded the sound, I will just say I was off duty and you were a local rent boy.”

  
“That’s still bad for you as an F.B.I Agent.”

  
“Yeah right, I will just claim I was drunk. I have a good record and will just get a warning, you on the other hand, let’s just say you won’t get in to the F.B.I with that on your record.”

  
“You really will do it won’t you.”

  
“I already am doing this so don’t forget it, be here at eight pm tomorrow night or else.”

  
I turned and strode away before the kid could answer, I just walked off and left him all alone to deal with it.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I had no idea how long I just sat there, the tears were flowing fast now and I could hardly see. I felt so cheap and dirty, that’s all I was a cheap dirty fuckin whore.

  
I realized I needed to get up and move before anyone came, or worse my boss could come out of the dinner. Shit if he found me just what would I say, I’m sure one look at me and he’d know I hadn’t been willing.

  
I finally managed to stagger back to the place I called home, the room I rented in a shared house was the only home I knew at the moment.  
I lay on the bed and

 the tears came once more, what a fuckin idiot I’d been in the first place When I’d been at work I’d actually liked the look of the guy, now though I would need to decide just what I was going to do about everything.

  
Maybe if I never showed up at work he’d just forget about me, shit but on the other hand I couldn’t afford to lose my job.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I went back home and just collapsed on the couch, God I’d not cum that hard since I was a teenager. I felt my hand go inside my pants and grab my cock, shit I was already hard from just thinking about that kid. I knew that I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight until I jerked off, I would come once again with images of Alex in my head.

  
I woke the next morning to find I’d fallen asleep fully clothed, also I’d actually managed to sleep a full night without waking up.  
I felt truly energized this morning and full of life, even getting up to face a day at work seemed appealing today. Soon I was totally lost in my work, however I couldn’t wait until tonight to see if the kid showed up.

  
After work I decided to grab a shower and put on fresh clothes, something quick to eat and then I’d be all good to go. I was looking forward to tonight and just hope he showed, shit it was then I realized I had some thinking to do before I got there.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
The next morning I felt and looked like crap, it hadn’t helped that I‘d spent most of the night awake. I had spent the night just going over what had happened, I’d always been attracted to men but had never expected my first time to be like that.

  
What I had believed to be harmless flirting had gone so bad, all I could see were images of me in that alley with his cock down my throat.

  
Shit I realized I was spending far too much time dwelling about last night, when really I should have been planning for tonight. How I saw it was that I went back to work and carried on, that or I would become a prisoner in this room. 

  
I was just unsure about facing work or him today, however one thing I knew was time was ticking and it waited for no one.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I drove out to the dinner to find it rather quiet, the joy of evenings during a working week I guess. Straight away I noticed that there was a young waitress on tonight, I ordered a coffee and sat and waited for her to return.

  
Soon she brought over my coffee along with the bill, I gave her a good tip in the hope of getting her to talk.

  
“Is there anything else Sir or will that be all?”

  
“That’s everything thanks, are you new here as I haven’t seen you before.”

  
“I normally only work weekends, however tonight’s waiter phoned in sick earlier.”

  
“Is he your boyfriend, sorry I was just been nosey as you’re so pretty.”

  
She was young and gullible, I knew that if I flirted I was sure to get some answers.

  
“No Alex is just a fellow worker, a few of us thought he was good looking but that’s the way it always goes.”

  
“Sorry I don’t follow you.”

  
“The good looking ones are normally all married or gay.”

  
“God he looked a little young to be married.”

  
“No silly he’s not married, Alex is single but made it very clear that he’s gay.”

  
“Okay I see your problem then.”

  
“How about you sir are you single.”

  
“No sorry it was good talking to you but I’m married.”

  
“Typical just call if you need anything else as I need to be getting back to work.”

  
I thanked the waitress, well that had been interesting and now I knew the kid was gay and single. Now all I needed to do was find out where he lived, also it had to look like I had a good reason to ask.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
After all the thinking I knew I couldn’t face work tonight it was too soon, however I couldn’t afford to lose any more nights pay without making myself homeless. I struggled to get by every week and could never save, not that I had anything to save anyway.

  
I’d thought about having someone wait in the alley for the Agent, however it wasn’t like I even had any friends or knew anyone in D.C. So basically there was no one to call on to beat up an F.B.I Agent, nor did I have money to pay someone to do it.

  
I knew if I wanted to be an agent I needed to learn to make decisions, firstly I needed to start with my own life here and now. I’d decided that I’d just have the one evening off, one night then I would return and face the world and what it threw at me.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I’d asked at the dinner for Alex’s address, however the boss was away so no one would give me it. I was left with no choice but to return the following evening. I sat across the road just watching and waiting, if anyone asked I’d just flash my badge and say it’s a stakeout.

  
God one thing I hated in life was waiting as it was so boring, however I was rewarded two hours later when the kid showed up. Shit I knew that was stepping way out of the boundary, also that I myself could lose my job if the truth were to ever come out. Yet here I was like a moth to a flame, ha if caught I will more be like a lamb to slaughter.

  
I went to grab a takeout and a coffee and went back to the car, I would have another two hours before Alex would end his shift and the fun began...

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I’d returned to work that evening feeling a bit shook up, however things had gone okay and the night was passing by fast. Let’s just say I’d had no unwanted customers, maybe a certain F.B.I Agent was regretting what he’d done or had just lost interest.  
As for me I couldn’t care less what his reasons were for not coming, all I wanted was to be left alone and move on with my life.

  
My Boss was away for the evening and had asked me to do an extra hour, which was fine by me as I needed the extra pay to cover my unplanned night off. It was easy anyway, all I had to do was take out the rubbish and lock the place up.

  
Soon I found myself on my own bagging the rubbish up, I then started to pull all the bags towards a large bin in the alleyway. I started throwing them in and was nearly finished, shit I should have known things were going too good to be true. Fuck I screamed out as the bin lid slammed down on my hand, god it hurt and I wondered if my fingers were broken.

  
“You wouldn’t be trying to avoid me would you Alex?”

  
“What the fuck, shit I swear you’ve broke my fingers.”

  
“I think I need to have a word with your boss, I don’t know smoking weed out here while you’re working.”

  
“Fuck off will you as I was just putting the garbage out, everyone has gone home anyway including my boss as he’s away.”

  
“Nice to know your boss has so much trust in you.”

  
“Whatever now fuck off?”

  
Shit it was then that I was pushed back inside, it was as I turned that I also noticed he was locking the door behind himself.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I’d been getting neck ache in the car and was starting to feel pissed off, I hadn’t just sat there all that time for nothing. I had already seen the rest of the staff leave for the night, yet I had still been made to wait another hour in the alley. Maybe things were looking up after all especially if it was just the two of us, time now for some real fun.

  
After I’d locked the door behind me I grabbed Alex, I’d waited long enough for this and now everything was working out.

  
“God what do you want from me?”

  
“You know what I want.”

  
“Please I can’t, I never told anyone or reported you so why?”

  
“Because I want you, also because I can.”

  
“Fine I will give you a blowjob, however after that you have to let me delete the video.”

  
Great I have now just volunteered to be his rent boy, fuck what have I done now as he’s looking really pissed off.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
“No you’re okay I don’t want a blowjob anymore.”

  
“What do you mean, shit what do you want from me?”

  
“I want you to drop them and bend over that table.”

  
“Like fuck you can go to hell.”

  
I grabbed him and shoved him face down over the table, I then grabbed his hair and slammed his head down knocking him out.

Once Alex was out cold I reached around and unfastened his pants, God his skin felt so warm and soft against my hand.  
I was getting desperate as my own cock turned to stone, I realized I couldn’t have stopped myself if my life depended on it. I had him here in front of me with his bare ass in the air God he was such a turn on and I wanted him more than anything.

  
After looking around I noticed the butter on the table, I unfastened my own pants using the butter as a lubricant substitute. Soon I was in heaven as I felt my cock slide into the tight hole, however I could no longer hold back and plunged it fully home.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Oh fuck suddenly there was this immense pain and I remembered where I was, I started screaming as I’d never experienced pain like this before. All I was rewarded with was his hand clamping down over my mouth, suddenly I was silenced and I couldn’t believe this was happening to me.

  
Fuck he started to get even rougher, and just to top it off he started to talk to me.

  
“God your ass is mine babe, you’re so fucking hot it’s unbelievable.”

  
I just lay there as the tears dropped on to the table, to make things worse he was hitting my prostate over and over again.

  
“Come on you’re not crying are you babe, god you’re turning me on so much and I need to come badly.”

  
Soon he was grabbing me hard by my hips as he came inside me, then he reached around grabbed my cock and started jerking me off. What made things worse was the fact I was so hard, I wasn’t even turned on and hadn’t even realized my cock was like stone...

  
I felt so sick as I came all over the table and floor, Oh God it was like I’d been forced to enjoy the rape. I had to get away from here and away from him.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
God I’d been so turned on by how things had played out, however I knew I would need to watch my back as I let him go.

  
“Get yourself cleaned up Alex and go home.”

  
“Fuck you, shit you just fuckin raped me.”

  
“Prove it.”

  
“I could go to the police now and a medical would show them, you made a big mistake coming inside me and I guarantee I’ll finish you, also I’ll finish your career.”

  
“I see so we are back to that again, college boy can’t afford to pay your bills so you pimp yourself out. Let’s see sex here and a blow job in the alley that I have proof of, hey what more can I say.”

  
“You fuckin bastard.”

  
“I will make you look so bad you’ll wish you’d never been born, do you think you’ll make it into the F.B.I when I reveal you as nothing but a rent boy.”

  
Well the kid had some balls I’d give him that, he had tried to punch me but forgot about his injured hand. I grabbed him once more and shoved him back over the table, I held him there as he tried to squirm away.

  
“Unless you want a repeat Alex give it up and go home.”

  
With that I just turned and left, I went back to my car and sat watching once more.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
What the fuck had I done to deserve this, shit I’d behaved all my life and done everything by the book. I’d only ever smoked weed a couple of times that was it, I wasn’t a bad person or a druggie.

  
I waited until I heard the door shut then slowly got up, fuck it was hard fastening my pants up as my hand was just swelling more and more. As soon as I was dressed I went to clean up and put the rest of the garbage out.

  
I went and took a twenty out of the till, I just said it was a family emergency and to take it out of my wages.  
With everything done I locked up and posted the keys, I had just a small detour to make on my way home. Once I got back in to my room I emptied my bag, the bottle of vodka was all I would need for now and nothing else mattered.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
It was really starting to sink in now just what‘d done, I’d followed Alex home and at least now knew where he lived. I then drove on back home to my own apartment and took a shower, soon I was there trying to get some sleep. This night was not one of peace though, I kept having nightmares of that young face and what I’d done to him.

  
The next day at work things were even worse, I hated myself for what I’d done to him and for what I’d become. Also every time the phone rang I panicked, shit I’d nearly had a heart attack when Skinner had wanted to see me. I worked as hard as I was able and left as soon as I could.

  
I found a bar on the way home and ordered a stiff drink or two, however it just made me feel even worse about everything. Finally I decided to go home and have a cold shower, I also had a coffee to try and counteract the alcohol.

  
I checked my messages but there was nothing of importance, I knew it was no excuse but I realized for the first time I felt lonely. However I had just raped and abused a man and there were no excuses for my actions.

  
I grabbed my car keys and left my apartment not even caring if I was over the limit, it was time that I got some of the shit I’d caused sorted out if that was possible.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I had sat here and knocked back over half the bottle of vodka, only now I was starting to feel really sick inside. I just couldn’t see my way out of this mess or around the situation, it was a no win no matter what I did.

  
If I reported the Agent no one would believe me anyway, yet I also knew I wouldn’t be able to return to my job. Shit without my job I wouldn’t be able to afford the college fees, also more urgent just how the hell I would pay my rent.

  
I’d been stupid in the past, shit I’d missed a week’s rent to buy the fuckin weed in the first place. The Landlord had one very strict rule, if you owed more than just a week’s rent you were out and he didn’t care how you left.

  
I was drunk as I grabbed a bag, shit what I really had in life that I could truly call my own. I packed a few clothes along with some books and stuff, nothing mattered beyond that anymore.

  
I went back to drinking the vodka, I might as well just drink it all then search for a free park bench. I decided that once I’d drank it all I would bandage my hand before anything, I was hoping been drInk would block out some of the pain.

  
Fuck this and fuck everything, I opened the painkillers and something just snapped inside me. I emptied both boxes on to the bed and then took them all with the rest of the vodka.

  
I wanted all of this to just go away and end, I knew that I’d never be able to trust anyone again. I lay down on the bed and waited, hopefully soon the pills would kick in and everything would finally be over.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I drove slowly towards the house as I couldn’t handle getting stopped for speeding, shit it’s not like I even knew what I’d say to him. Hey sorry for raping you yeah right like it would be that easy.

  
I realized that before anything I’d need to find his room, it turned out to be easy as some kid just let me in and showed me where it was. Shit the kid had been too high to even question who I was, I realized the whole place smelt of weed among many other things, I also realized my suit would have to go straight to the dry cleaners.

  
I knocked on the door a couple of times, however after five minutes I still had no reply. At least I’d used hindsight and brought my picklock with me, as soon as no one was around I opened the flimsy lock and let myself in.

  
Once inside I greeted by the darkness and total silence, I pulled out my flashlight along with my gun. Only I changed my mind and returned the gun to its holster, hell if the kid wanted to jump me I as sure as hell deserved all I got.

  
I’d not been prepared for the sight that greeted me though, there on the bed lay the kid out cold... I noticed the empty bottle of vodka, also there were a couple of pill boxes that were also empty.  
I had to check his pulse and get him up and awake, I was relieved that he had a very strong pulse.

  
“Come on Alex I need you to get up, come on just wake up and move.”

  
I managed to pull him up on to his feet, however my only reward was him throwing up everywhere. That was when I realized the pills hadn’t fully digested, at least that was a good sign and it must have been recent.

  
I knew that I was been selfish, but I was truly hoping I could deal with this without calling the paramedics.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
God my head felt like it’d been hit with a sledgehammer, also I just wanted to be sick and unable to stop it. Yet all I could hear in my head was that dam voice, over and over again.

  
“God you’re so hot, you’re red hot Alex.”

  
I just lost it big time and started to scream, shit that was when once more I felt his hand over my mouth. I couldn’t take much more of this and was slowly going mad, yet that voice just kept on going.

  
“I’ll move my hand just don’t scream okay.”

  
“Okay.”

  
However as the Agent moved his hand I threw up, except for this time it was all over him.

  
“Great I guess I asked for that, right stay here while I get some water and cloths.”

  
What a fuckin joke, hell like I was even capable of going anywhere. However once he touched me I started screaming all over again, then there was just pain and everything went black.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Great I’d just panicked and punched the kid knocking him out, so much for me coming here to make amends. While he was out cold I had a quick look around and noticed the bag, so he’d been planning on running away had he. 

  
I knew I couldn’t just leave him here to self-destruct, either that or end up choking on his own vomit. It was a spur of the moment thing, I grabbed the bag and went to my car throwing it in the trunk. I then drove across the street and parked right outside the house, I went back to the room to find Alex still out cold.

  
“Come on Alex get up, come on it’s time to leave here.”

  
“No staying here.”

  
“Alex come on please.”

  
I managed to get him to mutter a few words then he passed out again, well so much for doing it the easy way. I threw him over my shoulder the best I could and went to the car, I knew I had only a matter of time before Alex woke up fully, I also knew that was when the show would kick off.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I woke with one hell of a headache, however something was worrying me far more than that at the moment. The room was strange and not my room where I’d been, I remembered going home to get drunk after the rape. Fuck no, suddenly it all came back as I remembered myself bent over that table and the F.B.I Agent.

  
I started to hyperventilate and had to sit up, shit that was when I realized I was cuffed to the bed and not alone. There sat in a chair was the Agent, shit where was I and how had he found me.

  
“Alex just try and breathe, I swear I won’t hurt you now.”

  
“No you’ve already done that haven’t you, shit you fucking raped me you bastard.”

  
“I know and I can’t apologize enough for what I did to you, all I can try to do is help you now.”

  
“You’re an F.B.I Agent for fucks sake, yet you get off raping and kidnapping innocent people.”

  
“I haven’t kidnapped you Alex.”

  
“That’s why you just took me against my will, fuck and that’s why I’m here cuffed to a bed.”

  
“Shit I just panicked and didn’t know what to do with you, you took an overdose Alex and tried to kill yourself.”

  
“Ha and I wonder why, you destroyed my life totally and now I have nothing. I have no money because I can no longer do my job, shit you nearly broke my fucking fingers.”

  
“Everything just got out of hand and I’m so sorry.”

  
“Yeah you can say that again, without my job I have no money for college or rent.”

  
“I can help you.”

  
“A bit too late, shit don’t you think you’ve already done enough?”

  
“I want to help you Alex.”

  
“You should have just left me to die then.”

  
I felt unable to breath anymore let alone talk, I felt like I was nothing and just so dirty.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
“Please as least just let me get you some clean clothes, once you shower and change you’ll feel a bit better.”

  
“You think a shower will just wash it all away.”

  
“Please, okay how about you tell me what you want then.”  
“For one, I want to know where I am, two for you to remove the cuffs and three for you to be dead.”

  
I could see this was going to be hard work, I’d just let the kid go but he appeared to have nowhere.

  
“Okay firstly you’re in Hegal place Alexandria, secondly I have no problem at all removing the cuffs, however I’m afraid I can’t do a lot about your third request.”

  
I got up and removed the cuffs, I’d actually expected him to hit out at me but I realized he was still weak, also that he was very wary of me.

  
“Right I will make this easier for you Alex, I’m off to go to the shop for some food and drink, and I will get enough for both of us. I will leave it up to you whether you stay or leave, I will make sure I’m gone long enough so you have time to shower and dress.”

  
“Fine and I take it we just forget about everything like it never happened.”

  
“I’m so lost here Alex, shit I never got up with the plan of raping you and I don’t know what else I can do.”

  
“Fine just go.”

  
I grabbed my wallet and keys to leave, it was totally up to him now as I realized it had to be his choice, he needed to make decisions to feel in control again.

  
“I am truly sorry Alex and I hope one day you can forgive me.”

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I find myself all alone, great what the hell was I supposed to do now. I was here now by my own choice, it was my choice whether I stayed here with the man who raped me.

  
It didn’t help that every time I moved the room spun, great so how the hell I was supposed to think. So here I was with an hour or so to decide my future, I realized that no matter what I did I was finished.

  
I lay on the bed just taking in all my surroundings, the room was a mess with boxes everywhere and I presumed it was a spare room.  
Fuck it I might as well check the place out while I was here, I just wanted to learn more about the man that could do what he had to me.

  
I noticed that to start with he had lots of clothes, mostly really expensive posh suits that would have cost him a bit. I would say by the state of the place he was single, his video collection only covered two topics, science fiction and porn related cassettes.

  
Fuck this I decided I’d just shower and get the hell out of here, I would have to go and try and find a hostel somewhere.  
Everything was fine until I started to get undressed and saw the blood, shit I was now nothing more than a fuckin rape victim. I collapsed on the bathroom floor sobbing, shit I was a fuckin mess and had no idea what to do.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I’d walked around the store about four times, it didn’t help that I was covered in sick and stunk of weed. God I needed to get home and take a long shower and eat, however I knew that deep down I was scared of what I would find.

  
Finally I went to the checkout then drove back home, there was no way I could put it off any longer. As soon as I walked through the door I saw his bags, they were in the exact same place I’d dumped them earlier.

  
I put all the shopping away and went to check the bedroom, I was surprised to find it empty and maybe he had decided to just leave after all. However it was then that I heard the sobbing, I realized Alex was still here and in the bathroom.

  
There on the floor sat Alex all huddled up with his arms around himself, great I also noticed that he was rather naked too.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I looked up to see the Agent enter the bathroom, yet I was beyond controlling the tears and shaking.

  
“I’m sorry I meant to leave while you was out.”

  
“Please I would rather you stay here Alex, however I can understand if you don’t want too.”

  
“I don’t know what I want, shit I’m so dirty now.”

  
“You were never dirty Alex and don’t ever think you are, I’m the dirty one who saw a good looking man and took advantage of him.”

  
“All I wanted was a shower then I saw the blood, shit I guess I must have just freaked out.”

  
“Look I will turn the shower on for you okay, all you have to do is get in. Once you’re showered and dressed I’ll bring you some food.”

  
“Okay I’ll try then.”

  
I managed to pull myself together somewhat and take a shower, finally once in clean clothes I just collapsed back on the bed. I still couldn’t understand what was truly keeping me here, soon I had company and this time he brought soup and bread, however he then left me alone to eat.

  
It was over an hour later when he returned making me jump, I just lay there and watched him.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
“Right I’ve had a shower and some food, also while I was busy I did some thinking of my own. You can stay in here for tonight and even lock the door if it will make you feel safe, however I swear here and now that I won’t hurt you anymore.”

  
“Where will you sleep?”

  
“I‘ve always slept on the couch and don’t use the bed, hey don’t worry about me anyway.”

  
I could tell by his face that he was trying to decide what to do, I could tell his mind was working overtime at the moment.

  
“So you want me to leave in the morning then.”

  
“No Alex it’s my fault that you have nowhere to go, I will be the one leaving shortly not you.”

  
“I don’t understand as this is your home, shit where will you go.”

  
“I have places I can stay if need be and relatives, you can stay here until you sort yourself out and get a job.”

  
I knew that I owed Alex far more than I could ever repay him, my actions resulted in destroying his life and dreams. I hoped one day he would be able to move on and get over it, hell and maybe one day he might just be able to forgive me.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Fuck what was happening here, I started to wonder if this was just some sort of trick he was playing. The man was a stranger yet he was willing to trust me with his home, I knew he owed me but still I wasn’t expecting this.

  
“Okay but only if you’re sure, I promise that I’ll try and find a job as fast as I can.”

  
“Take as long as you need, I’ll be gone first thing in the morning as it will be easier for you, and I will leave you a contact number should you need it.”

  
After Mulder had left the room I just lay there thinking, he’d told me he could put up with a lot of things in life, however he had told me I wasn’t to use his first name.

  
I was still unsure as to whether I should stay or not, however I knew that if I left that I had nowhere to go. I could either stay here or find a hostel if I was lucky, I decided at the end of the day Agent Mulder had been right about one thing, he really did owe it to help me.

  
I drifted slowly to sleep just thinking about everything and my life, then my thoughts turned back to that evening in the dinner and I started screaming.

  
XXXXXXXXXX 

  
God I nearly had a heart attack there and then, I really hadn’t expected to wake up to high pitched screaming like that.  
I dashed into the bedroom to find Alex thrashing around and screaming, shit I also realized that he was still fast asleep. Great did I just leave him alone or go to him, however I had to do something before the neighbours started complaining.

  
I went over to the bed but refused to silence him with my hand, I was worried that it would just make him far worse. I sat back beside him and just held him, I also tried talking to him to calm him down.

  
“Alex come on wake up please, it’s just a bad dream that’s all.”

  
So much for the no contact decision, suddenly I found myself with Alex in my arms sobbing.

  
“Hey Alex come on it’ll be okay I promise.”

  
“God I’m so sorry.”

  
“Sorry for what?”

  
“Sorry for waking you up and behaving like a big baby.”

  
I just sat there and held him in my arms until he was back asleep, shit I was unsure if he’d even fully woke up before. Maybe without me here his nightmares would go away, as I’m sure my presence must be making it far worse.

  
As soon as it was daylight I grabbed what I would need for now, I ended up with a few suits and a hold all for everything else. I left a note and was gone before Alex woke up, I thought it would be easier on us both that way.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
It was sometime later that I woke up still tired, shit I had very vague memories of waking up at some point during the night. There was also a memory of Mulder holding me in his arms, shit just what the fuck was wrong with me.

  
I lay there for a while just thinking, however I soon needed a piss along with a coffee. I opened the door to be greeted by silence, I gathered Mulder must have gone to work or the shops.

  
I used the bathroom before making my way to the kitchen that was when I saw the note propped up against the kettle.

  
Alex  
I have gone and taken some stuff with me, I don’t think I’ll need to come back for some time. Make yourself at home and use whatever you want, I have plenty of clothes should you need some more clean ones. I have bought some food while at the shop last night, I have also left you some money for emergencies or anything you need. I hope that maybe one day you will be able to forgive me, I swear I’m not a bad person Alex and deeply regret what I’ve done. I really can’t say much more than I have, I know that I can never make right the wrongs I have done against you.   
Fox Mulder P.S I have also left you my cell number should you need to contact me, if you have a problem don’t hesitate to call me.

  
I knew that Mulder regretted his actions, shit that was as plain as day. However I couldn’t get the images out of my head and I still felt dirty.  
I would stay here for now and see how things went, it wasn’t like I had a great deal of choice anyway and it might be easier here on my own.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I’d decided to just book into a hotel for now, I would stay here for a few days then decide what to do. I didn’t want to be too far away from work but would travel if I had to. I was thinking that after a few days I might have a holiday anyway, just a week or so to myself away from everyone and everything.

  
Trouble was no matter where I went I couldn’t escape or hide from myself, I had to accept things and try to deal with them. I’d hoped work would take my mind of things, however it turned out to just be a long boring day.

  
It didn’t feel unusual staying in a hotel, I was used to spending most of my working days away in the field one cases. Well at least I had room services and cable to, I decided a few drinks might help me get some sleep anyway.  
I flicked through the usual porn channels, however the images were not helping me forget what I myself had done. Maybe I just needed a few more drinks and some sleep, however that was not to be, after a couple more drinks my mobile started ringing.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I spent most of the day in front of the television and even cleaned a bit, it just felt strange been here with all his stuff surrounding me. The trouble was I realized that I didn’t hate him, I hated what he’d done to me but not him. I’d liked him when he’d first walked into the dinner, shit was it me who had asked for what I got.

  
I was just so mixed up about everything at the moment, I was starting to feel like I was going mad. I sat there on the couch where he slept, I sat here hugging the cushion that smelt of him. I decided that I might be better off in the bedroom at least that was a room he hardly used so I might get some sleep.

  
Maybe things would look different after a good night’s sleep, however I soon found that I was unable to sleep at all. I tossed and turned just thinking about life and what I wanted, I’d already dialled the number before I even realized what I was doing.

  
“Agent Mulder”

  
Shit when he spoke I just sat there holding the phone without talking.  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
I answered the phone in my normal way, however I was only greeted with silence at the other end. Once I looked at the caller I.D I knew it was my home phone number.

  
“Alex please talk to me.”

  
All I heard where some muffled noises, no matter what I said he wouldn’t talk to me.

  
“Alex come on please just say something, shit are you okay.”

  
The phone went silent as he hung up, great just what the hell I was meant to do now. I ended up calling a cab, I knew I’d had far too much vodka to drive there.  
I got there to find the apartment door locked, great did I knock or just walk in. I decided that knocking might be the best way as I didn’t want to scare him.

  
Fine I realized after knocking three times he wasn’t answering, well the good thing was at least I had a key for the place. I opened my apartment door and pulled out my gun, I had to be prepared in case something was really wrong.

  
I was now faced with only the bedroom door, I’d found the rest of the place empty and surprisingly clean. The door opened without any noise, there were just streetlamps dimly lighting the room and casting shadows. , Well at least it gave me enough light to see the bed, along with the man in it.

  
“Alex what’s wrong, why did you phone me?”

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Shit I hadn’t expected Mulder to come back here, I thought he’d just ignore the call along with me.

  
“You shouldn’t have come Mulder.”

  
“Alex unless I’m mistaken you called me, what the hell am I meant to think when you won’t even speak to me.”

  
“I was scared alone that’s all.”

  
“Scared of what.”

  
“Everything.”

  
“Do you really think I was the best person to call Alex?”

  
“I don’t have any friends or family, plus I wanted to call you.”

  
“Alex I think you need help.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“You’re training to be in the F.B.I, I’m sure you know what Stockholm syndrome is.”

  
“Yeah I’m not stupid, it’s where the victim can’t cope without the abuser.”

  
“Yeah that’s basically it.”

  
Great so now Mulder thinks I’m just a pathetic victim, hell maybe that’s all I really am.

  
“Fine just go then, go on Mulder leave me alone then.”

  
“Alex I’m here for you, but hell you have to want me here for the right reasons. Jesus I work in the Behavioural science unit and know that this is not right.”

  
“So how do you expect me to behave Agent Mulder?”  
“I can only help you Alex when you stop seeing me as the abuser, you need to learn to see me as a friend first.”

  
“Is that what you are, a friend?”

  
“I’d like to be Alex if you let me.”

  
I knew that I was way in over my head, but hell it was far too late to go back now. I just hoped that Mulder would see it for what it was meant to be, and not just me as a victim.

  
“Mulder will you do just one thing for me then?”

  
“If I can Alex.”

  
“Kiss me.”

  
Shit I’d never seen anyone back up to the wall as fast.

  
“Shit Alex what the fuck.”

  
XXXXXXXXXX 

  
I went into the kitchen and grabbed the vodka, fuck I needed a drink more than ever now. God it had been hard having the kid here in the first place, to desire him and not be able to touch him, then to top it off he comes on to me.

  
I just forgot about everything and everyone, all I concentrated on was that bottle of vodka until sleep finally came.  
Suddenly I was back in that alley, oh God and my cock was back in his warm mouth. I was rock hard and started to work up a rhythm as I needed to come, I then started to fuck his mouth hard.

  
“Oh shit what the fuck are you doing Alex, get the fuck off me.”

  
I pushed him backwards on to the floor and stood over him, at the same time I was trying to shove my semi hard cock back in to my pants.

  
“I can’t believe you just did that, for fucks sake what we had just been discussing.”

  
“We were apparently discussing my serious case of Stockholm syndrome.”

  
“Don’t be clever Alex.”

  
“Or what Mulder, you’ll fuckin rape me again.”

  
I couldn’t believe the little shit was pushing me this way, God I needed to sober up and leave here.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
Shit I could see the anger on the agents face, well if he hit me at least he’d be touching me.

  
“Go on then Mulder just hit me, go on fuckin finish it.”

  
“Alex I’m not going to hit you so you can knock it off, I told you the department I work in and I profile people for a fucking living.”

  
“So what’s your conclusion then Agent Mulder?”

  
“You want someone Alex, I suppose you see me as better than no one at all.”

  
Great a fuckin profiler that’s all I needed, well it would be harder than I thought making him believe me.

  
“Look can you honestly stand there and tell me you wasn’t enjoying it.”

  
“That’s not the point Alex.”

  
“So what is then?”

  
“Me liking it and wanting it are two different things.”

  
“So you didn’t like it then or want it.”

  
“For fucks sake were going around in circles here.”

  
“So excuse me for not been as intelligent as you Mulder.”

  
“Fine what I’m trying to say is both parties have to want it, I liked it when I fucked your tight ass Alex, however I bet you never wanted it.”

  
“You fuckin bastard.”

  
I was on my feet within seconds and swung for the Agent, however his reflexes were fast as he grabbed and held me.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

  
“Shit this isn’t going to work is it Alex.”

  
“You want the truth do you Mulder.”

“Well it would be a start.”

“You don’t get it do you, part of me did like it and want it just not like that. I guess that was why I felt so dirty.”

“God I’m sorry Alex.”

“I wanted it, but I also wanted you to make me enjoy it, shit it doesn’t make any sense does it.” 

“Yes it makes perfect sense Alex, you wanted it to be consensual and instead you got raped. God I understand what you mean but it’s too late now.”

“But it’s not too late though Mulder.”

“Alex I fucking raped you for crying out loud, now you’re trying to tell me you want a relationship with me.”

“Yes I want us to at least give it a go.”

“Shit Alex we can’t just forget everything that’s happened, God it’s impossible.”

“I was starting to think maybe the kid had lost the plot somewhere along the way.

XXXXXXXXXX

Maybe if he’d been just a rapist and left I’d hate him, yet here I was with him showing me the other side of him. I was starting to see that he was kind and caring, I also truly believed that he regretted what he’d done to me.

“What do you have to lose just by trying?”

“Nothing I guess.”

“So you will at least consider it.”

“Alex I need some time first before I say anything.”

“Fine it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“I’m calling a cab Alex and going back to my hotel, just give me twenty four hours alone to think things over.”

“Fine as long as you really do think about it and come back.”

“I live here Alex.”

“Funny, I meant come back within twenty-four hours.”

“Fine I promise.”

Soon I was back on my own once more, however if he decided against the idea I’d have no choice but to leave...

XXXXXXXXXX

I had returned back to my hotel room, however I couldn’t make head nor tail or what had just conspired. I just seemed unable to get my head around everything, so just how the hell was I meant to believe it wasn’t Stockholm syndrome.

I had honest to God thought I’d been dreaming when he gave me the blow job, that’s why I’d freaked out and pushed him away from me. Shit here I was feeling like he’d taken advantage of me, how the hell must he feel when I forced him into his own rape. I liked the kid and had a few hours to decide.

I hadn’t been looking for a relationship of any kind really, if anything it would have been just a one night stand. My job came first among other things, so could I really get used to having someone there all the time.

I’d been in a couple of long term relationships in the past, let’s just say they never worked out too well. Then I had to think whether it was because they’d been women, plus if I still owed the kid and should be willing to at least give him a chance.

XXXXXXXXXX

After Mulder had gone I felt alone again, did I really want him or did I just want someone there. God I had to admit the man was good looking, also I was starting to have feelings that I’d never felt before with anyone else. Fuck I was as scared as deep down I felt like I was falling in love, maybe there was something seriously fucked up with me after all.

I was on tender hooks all of the following day, I even packed my bags expecting the worst. Soon I had the apartment all clean and had nothing to do but wait, I was totally fucking bored and the wait was killing me.

Soon it was time for Mulder to come back, however two hours later and I was still sat here alone. I realized that I must be the biggest idiot walking, maybe it was time to cut my losses and just leave now.

I grabbed my bags and made sure I had everything, I then had a couple of neat vodkas to calm my nerves. By this time another hour had passed and still no Mulder, maybe if I moved I might find a bed somewhere for the night, I grabbed my stuff and went to leave.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was tired and it had been a long day, I was looking forward to a hot shower as I took the stairs two at a time. I pulled out my keys just as my apartment door opened, it didn’t take long to notice the bag and that he’d been crying.

“Alex where are you going?”

“Leaving as I think it’s time I moved on.”

“I thought you wanted to talk…”

“Yeah well you’re three hours late so I just thought..., well you know what I thought.”

“No Alex I don’t know.”

“I thought that you’d changed your mind.”

“Alex I am an F.B.I Agent, shit I’m afraid I don’t have a nine to five job. I am truly sorry that you got the wrong idea, please come back inside so we can talk.”

“Only if that’s what you really want.”

“Alex I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

I could see that the kid would be hard work, also I knew there would be a few emotional encounters along the way. However like I said I owed the kid to at least try.

XXXXXXXXXX

Hell I couldn’t believe that he really wanted to talk, he could have just let me leave but he didn’t.

“Right Alex sit down and I will get us a drink.”

“Yeah okay.”

Mulder returned with two shots of vodka and coke, he then sat down on the couch right beside me.

“We need to sort a few things out, if you even want me to consider this I need you to listen to me.”

“Okay go ahead Mulder.”

“Look we got off to the worst start possible, we need to start again and see if we have anything in common to start with.”

“Yeah okay I’m willing to try if you are.”

“Yes Alex I’m willing, however it doesn’t mean I want you here just for sex, or to just use you. If were doing this it needs to start like any other normal relationship, you know going out doing things as a couple together.”

“I’d like that Mulder.”

“You can have the bedroom and I’ll stay out here for now, after work tomorrow we can go out and have a few drinks and talk. However at the moment I just need some sleep before work in the morning.”

“Yeah okay, I‘ll go and unpack then have an early night too, and thanks’ for this Mulder.”

“No problem, just one more thing Alex.”

“What’s that Mulder?”

“Look if ever I’m not here it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be, sometimes things come up and cases drag on at times.”

“Okay I will try and remember then.”

I lay on the bed that night hardly believing that Mulder wanted me here, also he wanted a relationship with me.  
I fell asleep looking forward to the following evening, just the two of us out together on a date.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I guess I’d made the right decision as Alex seemed pleased, as for me I still had a few concerns with how fast it was moving along. Alex was very affectionate and reassuring all the time, I believe he was scared I wouldn’t come back.

After work the following day I called at home for Alex, we would have them drinks together as I’d promised him.  
Alex was dressed in a white tee shirt with tight black jeans, the man looked gorgeous as he topped of the outfit with a black leather jacket.

It was a pleasure to take him out and be seen with him, I also noticed a lot of other people staring at him. We found a small table in the corner of the bar and sat down, I seriously didn’t think Alex realized just how sexy he looked dressed like that.  
“Hey Alex are you okay.”

“Yeah just a bit nervous that’s all.”

“Well that’s understandable as we did fuck a lot up, but we are trying to change that so it’s okay.”

“Yeah and I’d like us to change.”

I left Alex sat at the table while I got the drinks, I got this impression that he wasn’t a big drinker.

XXXXXXXXXX

I tried to keep up with Mulder without getting too drunk, there was no way I wanted to fuck this evening up by getting pissed.

“Look Mulder like I said before I really want us to try, I really do like you despite what you think.”

“All I ask is that we take it slow, god I like you too but you have to see my point of view also.”

“What’s that?”

“Deep down I’m worried you’re suffering from the abuse I caused you.”

“Great, so why the hell are we here then.”

“Look I just told you that I like you, come on let’s just see what happens between us.”

“Yeah okay I’m sorry Mulder.”

“If it’s meant to be it will get better, so come on let’s just have a few drinks and a good time.”

I was willing to take things slowly, especially if it meant Mulder wanted to be with me. I would prove to him what I felt was real, even if it took forever he would realize sooner or later.

XXXXXXXXXX

We had a few drinks and it was a pleasant evening together, we’d both managed to find out a bit more about each other. I thought that it would be good to try and see how Alex acted, I know I shouldn’t have been profiling him, however I had to find out if this was for real.

“This is nice, it’s good to be out on a date together Fox.”

“Alex I already told you before that it’s Mulder, nobody at all calls me Fox.”

“Not even your lovers.”

“None have ever even tried calling me it before.”

“I like it, I think your name really suits you.”

“Fine this is just a date Alex, however I promise that if we become lovers you can call me Fox.”

“That would mean a lot.”

“Right come on lets drink up, I have work in the morning and need to be up.”

  
I was not a big drinker myself, shit the vodka was making me feel really tired.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

We left the bar and returned to Mulders apartment, we were both a bit worse for wear and drunk.

“Can I kiss you Mulder?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

God the man could kiss, the closer he pressed to me the more I got turned on, fuck at this rate I’d end up coming in my pants.

“Mulder come to bed with me.”

“No Alex I can’t, God I’m sorry.”

Shit I’d really not expected him to refuse, now I just felt like dirt and totally rejected. I shoved Mulder away from me and ran into the bedroom, I lay there just wishing my life wasn’t so fucked up, I was also trying to block out Mulders voice.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

“Please come out Alex.”

Great I knew that Alex could hear me, yet he refused to acknowledge me or even answer.

“Alex come on things were going so well tonight.”

  
I refused to enter the bedroom as he was entitled to some space, I realized living together this soon was going to be hard. I grabbed a blanket and turned the television on, great I was greeted by naked bodies on the screen. I guess I’d forgot to take out my porn tape, great it would have to be the one with the two dark haired men in it.

I lay on the couch and knew it was going to be a long night, now I had to try and sleep with a fuckin hard on. I was finally falling into a restless sleep, well that was until the screaming started in the bedroom.  
I realized that once more Alex was having a nightmare, I also knew that come tomorrow morning I’d be shattered.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I realized that it was me screaming and my throat hurt, also I’d woke myself up with the noise I was making. I tried to sit up in bed and felt the arms, Mulder was in bed holding me and trying to calm me down.

“Hey you’re awake Alex, are you okay now.”

“Yeah I’m fine, you can go back to bed now if you want.”

“Alex I wasn’t rejecting you earlier, I just wanted there to be more than sex between us can you understand that.”

“Yeah I’m sorry Mulder, I just thought that you never really wanted me.”

  
“I want you more than anything, but I just want to do it right this time Alex.”

“Would you stay and hold me Mulder, its okay we don’t have to have sex or anything else.”

I knew it would be hard but I didn’t want to be alone, all I wanted was for Mulder to make me feel wanted and needed.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that I was going to have to show great restraint, the lucky thing was that I was hung over and exhausted. Soon I heard his breathing even out and knew Alex was asleep, I myself wasn’t far behind him however morning came around fast.

I showered and got ready for work, I sometimes wondered if I was like I am because of my job. Day after day I had to get into the heads of murderers and rapists, maybe it was time I thought about taking a holiday somewhere nice and warm.

I checked on Alex to find him still fast asleep, I kissed him gently on the lips and then left.

The day dragged and things hadn’t gone too well, I was now to be sent out of town the following day. I had started a case and they wanted me to profile a suspect, I knew that I would need to go tonight so I could find a motel. That meant going home to pack some stuff, also to go home and give Alex the news.

I opened the apartment door to a wonderful smell of cooking, God the smell alone was starting to make me feel really hungry.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Mulder you’re just in time to eat.”

“Smells good what is it?”

“Lasagne, come on sit down while it’s still hot.”

I was really hoping that Mulder would like the food, I’d wanted to make up for my behaviour the previous night.

“This is really good Alex, you see that’s another thing I never knew about you, I bet there’s also a lot more to learn too.”

“Yeah likewise.”

“That’s why I wanted us to get to know each other first.”

I had to admit that Mulder was right, we really did need to take the relationship slow. I had planned the meal and thought we could have a few drinks, maybe even watch a movie together.

“Yeah you’re right, I’ve got some wine for after if you want some.”

“Alex I’m glad we managed to sit down and eat together, you see I won’t be here later.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I could see his face drop straight away, I knew Alex would spend the night alone just sulking.

“What do you mean you won’t be here?”

“I have to work.”

“What tonight.”

“Alex I’m on a case first thing tomorrow morning, I need to get there tonight and sort a motel out.”

“Fine whatever.”

“Alex don’t sulk please, hell it’s not my fault you know.”

“Yeah I know, it just feels like nothing’s going right at all.”

“I’m sorry, we can do something at the weekend if you’d like too.”

“How long will you be away for?”

“I’m not sure yet Alex.”

“Fine you’d better go and pack then.”

“I am sorry Alex, I wish I didn’t have to go but work calls.”

“I’ll be okay so don’t worry about me.”

Great I already was starting to worry about Alex and him here alone, I went to grab a shower and do some thinking.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt really fed up and lonely and he hadn’t even left yet, suddenly Mulder appeared with just a towel around his waist. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me into the bathroom with him.

“Get a shower and dressed then pack some stuff, you only have one hour Alex.”

“Why do I need to pack, where am I going Mulder?”

“You’re coming with me Alex.”

“Shit I can’t Mulder, I thought you was working.”

“It’s okay, however you’ll have to amuse yourself when I am working.”

“Yeah okay if you’re really sure it’ll be alright.”

“Alex I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure, now get that backside of yours moving into the shower. I need to finish getting dressed and ready, just don’t forget you only have one hour.”

“You won’t regret this.”

I went into the shower and got myself ready, there was no way I was messing up the chance of going with Mulder. Shit what was my alternative, ha just to stay here all alone again.

XXXXXXXXXX

While Alex was in the shower I booked the plane tickets for us both, soon I had my stuff and was already to leave. I shouted to Alex to let him know he had ten minutes, however he entered the room only a few minutes later.

“That was fast, God you are so fucking sexy Alex in those tight jeans.”

“Ha says you who comes out of the bathroom in a towel, shit what are you trying to do to me.”

“Hey moan again and next time I’ll come out without the towel.”

Shit I’d just about said something else, I was going to say I’d forget the towel and bend him over the bed. I was going to say I’d fuck him stupid, however I realized that wouldn’t be the best thing to say with our past record.

Soon everything was forgotten as we boarded the plane, Alex then fell fast asleep while I studied the report I had.

XXXXXXXXXX

So far I was enjoying myself with Mulder, however I expected everything to change once we entered the room. They’d told Mulder it was the only room they had left, there in the room sat a massive king size bed.

“Mulder if you give me a blanket I’ll sleep in the chair.”

I braced myself again for the rejection, however this time it never came which surprised me.

“Alex we’re supposed to be going out together, I’m sure we’ll be okay as we managed last night in the same bed.”

“Yeah but only because I‘d had a nightmare.”

“Well you’re not sleeping on the floor Alex so just drop it, hey at least this way I’ll already be in bed if you have another one.”

I couldn’t believe the change in Mulder, the more time I spent with him I realized I was falling in love with him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe Alex thought I’d make him sleep on the chair, shit did he really think I was that shallow. I could see that we would have to have words yet again, however this was neither the time nor place to do it.

I decided that we’d try and have a couple of good days while away, despite the fact I was meant to be here working.

“Come on let’s get some sleep, if I can get an early night I might get this case sorted faster.”

“Yeah okay I’m just using the bathroom.”

While Alex was in the bathroom I undressed for bed, shit did I keep the underwear on and him think it was a brush off. Shit yet if I took them off he might think it’s a come on.

I realized that I was doomed either way so fuck it’ I had to start seeing Alex as an intelligent man and not just a victim.

XXXXXXXXXX

I came out of the bathroom to find Mulder already in bed, shit I decided to keep my boxers on and tee shirt so it would be easier.  
However I got into bed to find Mulder totally naked, shit I’d not been prepared for that and pulled away.

“Alex I can put some clothes on if you want.”

“I’m fine.”

“Shit I just don’t want you thinking I’m going to hurt you that’s all.”

“Like I said, I’m fine it was just unexpected that was all.”

“I won’t ever hurt you that way again Alex I swear.”

“I know, and for what it’s worth I do trust you Mulder.”

“So do you want me to at least put some underwear on?”

“No I think it’s me that’s a little overdressed in comparison.”

I managed to pull my tee shirt over my head, I also managed to remove my boxers while under the covers. As soon as I lay back down Mulder put his arms around me, in in all honesty I felt like I could stay here forever.

XXXXXXXXXX

“If I ever do anything you don’t like you have to tell me Alex, I want us to be honest to each other about everything.”

“I promise that I’ll try.”

“That’s all I ask Alex.”

I lay there just enjoying having Alex in my arms, it felt good and soon we were both fast asleep. I was the first awake and went for a shower, shit I knew I’d need to get rid of my morning erection. I jerked off while showering in record time, not a hard job when I had Alex in the room next door naked.

Soon I was dressed and ready for work, it was time to go and deal with this case as fast as possible. When I left the bathroom I found Alex in bed wide awake, God he was such a turn on sprawled out in the bed naked.

“What plans do you have for the day?”

“I thought I might go sightseeing or I might even go to the beach, I haven’t decided yet.”

  
“Hey don’t, you will be making me jealous Alex.”

I walked over to the bed and kissed him on the lips, god he was so soft and warm to touch.

“I’ll try not to work too late today, we can go out for a drink later if you want.”

“I will look forward to later then, take care Mulder and don’t let the case get too you.”

I walked out of the door and went over to head office, great I just knew it was going to be one of those days.

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay in bed for the next hour just relaxing, however I soon realized I couldn’t spend the whole day in bed. I got a shower and then called room service, I would grab a coffee and breakfast before going out.

I wanted us to be happy, yet things just kept playing on my mind all the time. I had no job or money, hell I lived at Mulders and he paid for everything for me. Part of me wondered if he really wanted to be with me, or if this was his way of paying me back for what he’d done to me.

I realized I was spending way too much time trying to think, it’s not like I could change what had happened anyway. I had to just make sure that everything went right from now on, just take things for what they were.

I dressed in a white tee shirt and black shorts, I then grabbed a towel and left for the beach to relax and fill in some time.

XXXXXXXXXX

I hated this case with a passion, some serial killer with eight bodies to his name, yet he was still out there on the loose. My job was to give a profile of the killer yet no one wanted to listen, they just seemed to think I was some know it all.

I wanted the killer off the streets as much as the others, yet I spent most of my life with people working against me. I knew I wanted to be off this case as fast as possible, I was left in a foul mood and didn’t want to take it out on Alex.

When I had five minutes spare I phoned Skinner, I informed him that I’d done a complete profile for them and could do no more. Now all I wanted to know was when I could finish as my part was done, the A.D said I could return to the Hoover the following day.

Well at least that put me in a far better mood so I packed up, all I wanted was to return back to the hotel and to Alex. However when I returned Alex was nowhere to be seen, I had a shower and ordered some supper from room service. I then grabbed a stiff drink and turned the T.V on, however nothing seemed appealing at the moment.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck I woke a few hours later and was really sore, shit I realized I’d fallen asleep directly in the sun. Great worse was to come when I looked at my watch, shit I realized Mulder would have been back ages ago.

  
I got up and tried to stretch while grabbing my towel, I then made my way back towards the hotel for a cold shower. I walked in to find Mulder fast asleep in the chair, I also saw the tray and knew he’d already ate.

I also knew that Mulder would ache if he slept in the chair for too long, it wasn’t the best place for someone of his height to spend the night.

“Mulder it’s me Alex come on wake up.”

“Where the hell have you been Alex, it doesn’t matter as I can see for myself.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, shit I was only at the beach Mulder.”

“Alex I think you need to look in the mirror.”

“Fine if it makes you happy.”

I stormed off in to the bathroom in search of a mirror.”

XXXXXXXXX

“For fucks sake I look like a goddam lobster.”

I was unable to contain my laughter as Alex stood there cursing, I guess he really had been at the beach all day.

“I’m sorry Alex, shit I know it’s not funny really.”

“Guess it’s my own fault.”

“You order something to eat while I pop out.”

“Why where are you going now Mulder, hell I’ve just got back.”

“To find a late night pharmacy.”

“Fine, I’m sorry you have to go back out Mulder but thanks’ anyway.”

“It’s okay, chances are it won’t take me long.”

I had to get out of that room, shit it was so hard trying not to laugh at him. I finally found somewhere and bought some cream, they advised me that it was good and would start working immediately. It wasn’t long before I was back at the motel, I just had to have a straight face before I entered.

“Right come on Alex go lay on the bed.”

“Great what a charmer you are Mulder.”

“Just move your backside now.”

“Fine I’m moving.”

“Actually, you can undress first.”

I could see the look of uncertainty on that gorgeous face, so I thought I’d help him out and give him a towel.

“Now you can undress and lay on your stomach, don’t worry I’ll cover your modesty up.”

“Fine okay, please Mulder just go slow as it does hurt.”

“Alex I’m putting cream on you, shit I’m not fucking you.”

“Well last time it was butter you used.”

Great I felt sick when I realized what he meant, shit I’d used butter as lubricant when I raped him.

XXXXXXXXXX

“God I’m sorry Mulder and shouldn’t have said that.”

“Why I did it.”

“Mulder it was a bad joke nothing more, it’s the past and I’m a big boy now.”

“Yeah I know, I’d just wanted you to relax that’s all Alex.”

I pulled Mulder towards me and kissed him hard, I then put my arms around him and hugged him tight.

“I’m as relaxed as I can be in this position, come on babe let’s just get it over with.”

“Fine lay down then.”

Once undressed I lay on the bed on my stomach, Mulder was straight there with the towel like a true gentleman. Shit I wanted to scream when he started to put the cream on, soon however it started to have a numbing effect and was relaxing.

God Mulder was good at giving massages, however I soon felt him slap my backside lightly.

“Come on Alex turn over.”

Shit I’d hoped he was just doing my back, shit all the rubbing was really turning me on and making me hard. However I knew I had no choice but to comply, this would be embarrassing when Mulder realized.

I even tried to turn the towel around as I turned, however I suddenly feel it been pulled away from me.

XXXXXXXXXX  
I pulled the towel away so Alex could turn over, let’s just say he was far harder than I expected him to be.

“Alex do you want me to take care of that.”

“I’m fine just cover me with the towel.”

I would swear that Alex was blushing under that sunburn, so I behaved and covered his large erection with the towel.

“There you go Alex.”

“Thanks.”

“Is the cream helping at all?”

I was trying to find ways of taking his mind of everything, the last thing I wanted was Alex to find me intimidating. 

“Yeah it’s made it numb which is good, at least it’s not as painful now.”

“That’s good, what do you want Alex.”

“Sorry I don’t follow.”

“We fly back tomorrow, we have one night with room service and a king size bed.”

“Sorry you mean what do I want to eat.”

“Well yeah amongst other things.”

Shit I knew exactly what I wanted to put inside my mouth, however I’d been the one that said no sex.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit did Mulder mean what I thought he meant, was he coming on to me now? I lay there a few minutes just thinking, then I just thought fuck it why not.

“What do I really want, do you mean anything at all Mulder.”

“Yeah anything.”

“I want to feel that huge cock of yours deep inside my ass, is that on the menu then.”  
“God yes Alex, but only if you’re sure it’s what you really want.”

“Mulder I want you more than anything, however there is just one thing though.”

“What’s that?”

“I want to feel you so just don’t use that cream on my backside by mistake.”

“Yeah point taken, I’ll be back in a minute so just wait there.”

I lay there watching as Mulder started throwing things out of a paper bag, finally he managed to find what he was looking for.  
XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I wanted this more than anything, I just hoped Alex wouldn’t think I was presumptuous.

“I take it you went to get more than just the cream.”

“Hey I never planned it, the lube was on offer so I just grabbed it on impulse.”

“I’m really glad you did.”

I opened the lube and applied a generous amount to my fingers, also some to Alex’s backside for good measure. I slowly inserted one finger and then two, I gently used a scissor motion to stretch him before adding the third.

“Please Alex if it hurts tell me, if It hurts I will stop okay.”

“Don’t you fucking dare stop Mulder?”

I realized that Alex was already struggling not too come, also that I myself wouldn’t last long either.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fuck this felt so good, I knew that I wanted Mulder inside me before I came.

“Just fuck me Mulder, Jesus I can’t wait any longer.”

“I don’t want to hurt you Alex.”

“Shit fuck me now or I’ll go and find someone who will.”

“Bastard, you’re mine Alex and don’t forget it.”

Well at least that comment got the reaction I wanted, Mulder was so large and I was in heaven. I would swear that I was stretched far more than possible, well I guess I’d be walking funny come tomorrow.

Mulder worked up a rhythm going deeper and deeper, also harder and harder which would add a few more bruises.   
Suddenly I was grabbed by the throat, then Mulder squeezed hard as he came inside me. Yet him squeezing my throat gave me an unimaginable orgasm, shit I’d never thought something like that could be such a turn on.

“Shit Fox are you trying to kill me.”

Fuck I realized once it was out of my mouth, I’d just called Mulder by his dreaded first name.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jesus I‘d never come like that before in my life, Alex could have called me anything for all I cared.

“Sorry I just got carried away, I swear I never meant to grab your throat that tight Alex.”

“Fuck that, you can do it whenever you want as it was such a fuckin turn on.”

“As long as you’re okay, I’d just wanted it to be good that’s all.”

“Jesus Mulder it couldn’t have been any better.”

“Likewise Alex.”

“Do you think we should move and shower?”

“No Alex it can wait until morning as you have that cream on, come here I just want to hold you.”

“Yeah okay it can wait then.”

“I am sorry Alex.”

“I know you are.”

Why did it hurt like I’d just used Alex, used him for what I wanted.

“I think I’m falling in love Mulder.”

“Hey there had better not be someone else.”

“Very funny.”

“Come on Alex sleep now.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I lay there wondering how Mulder truly felt towards me, would he one day feel the same way I’m feeling towards him right now. Soon I woke up to daylight and bloody birds chirping, it was then I noticed Mulder already showered and fully dressed.

“Hey.”

“Morning sleepy head.”

“Mulder what time is it.”

“It’s ten A.M babe.”

Okay he called me babe and sounds happy, guess he must be in a good mood today.  
“Great I’d better move and have a shower, well that was unless I was stuck to the sheets from last night.”

“Yeah we’re perhaps going to be doing a lot of washing back home too.”

”Why Mulder that makes it sound like you have plans for me.”

“Maybe I do.”

“Can you order me a coffee while I’m in the shower, at least that way it will save some time?”

“Yeah no problem.”

God if sex did that to Mulder, well let’s just say we’ll have to do it at least once a day. 

XXXXXXXXXX

Alex in a morning was such a turn on, shit he was so fuckin sexy it was unreal. That was why I’d had to get up and shower, I wanted to be fully dressed before temptation awoke, temptation in the name of Alex.

Soon Alex was also showered and dressed, once he finished his coffee we headed towards the airport and home. I had to admit we’d had a good night together, I wasn’t going to regret it for a single minute. 

However I realized the closer we got to home Alex changed, he started to become very quiet and withdrew into himself.

“Alex what’s up as you’re really quiet?”

“Are you off back to work today?”

“Yeah I have to just report in that’s all.”

“So will you be gone long.”

“Alex I’ll be about two hours tops.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Will you be alright by yourself Alex?”

“Yeah fine Mulder don’t worry about me.”

We got out of the cab and Alex took the bags inside, as for me I grabbed my car keys and headed off to work.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

I felt really guilty that Mulder had paid for everything, I decided to cook a romantic meal for us both and tonight I wanted it to be slightly different.  
I soon found enough stuff so I could start cooking, I was trying to get everything done before Mulder returned home. However as usual I shouldn’t have worried about the time, over three hours later and there was still no Mulder.

Fuck this I was sick of coming second best all of the time, I grabbed a coffee and then went to clean all up. Once I’d had a shower I had another coffee, I even watched some television and was still bored. All Mulder’s videos consisted of was science fiction and porn, hey and what do you know, even more porn.

I looked at the clock to find he’d been gone six hours now, great so much for the two hours he’d claimed. I was starting to feel tired now and called it a night, I undressed and slept until I heard Mulders voice a few hours later.

“Hey Alex it’s me babe, come on wake up.”

“Mulder what time is it?”

“It’s after eleven, I know and I’m sorry as I said I’d be back by four.”

“Don’t worry about it Mulder, hey you’re only seven fucking hours late.”

“Alex I said I’m sorry.”

“So where were you?”

“Work, shit Alex you knew where I was going.”

“Okay who was you with then?”

“I had to fucking work that’s all, then I received some good news.”

“Yeah right I bet.”

“Fuck you Alex as I don’t have to explain myself to you, you’re just a stubborn bastard who won’t listen to reason.”

“No you don’t have to answer to me Mulder, just remember I don’t have to answer to you either.”

“I’m having a shower Alex and then to get some sleep, on the couch I might add.”

I turned and left before Alex insulted me any further.

XXXXXXXXXX

Things were going like shit yet again, hell was it me who was stubborn and refused to listen. If it was true I’d just gone and blown it once more, shit what the hell was wrong with me.

Well if that was the case I at least owed it to Mulder to let him have his say, I went out to find Mulder sat on the couch eating, I also noticed that he’d found the beer and opened one.  
I went over and sat down beside him, he picked up the remote and silenced the film he was watching.

“I’m sorry Mulder, maybe you’re right and I am just a stubborn bastard. However at the end of the day I had no right to talk to you like that, shit I just felt so rejected that’s all.”

“I am as much to blame as you Alex, shit I could have at least phoned you to let you know.”

“Its okay, shall we just agree that we’re as bad as each other.”

“Yeah okay.”

“Come on then Mulder tell me your good news.”

XXXXXXXXXX

“Okay I told you before about my Sister, also about discovering the X files. I also told you about how they wouldn’t let me work on them.”

“Yeah I remember Mulder.”

“I have a few friends in high places, let’s just say that someone put in a word for me and it started a chain reaction.”

“So what happened then?”

“I’ve been given permission to work on the X files, they had just one condition that’s all.”

“Go on.”

“I would only be allowed to work on them in the basement, however at least I’ll have my own room and desk. So you see Alex it could be far worse, I’m happy and it’s something I really wanted.”

“That’s great Mulder and I’m pleased for you, shit then I had to go and ruin your good news.”

“Well I gather judging by the food that I also ruined your evening.”

“It’s okay.”

I really wanted to make it up to Alex, hell he was the first person that had ever cooked for me and at least tried. I knew if I thought hard enough I’d think of something, something we could do together as a couple.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great I felt even worse than ever now, all I wanted to do was just crawl back into bed.

“I’m calling it a night Mulder, I’m just tired and still feel jet lagged that’s all.”

“Yeah okay I’ll just put my plate in the sink, I can sleep on the couch if you want Alex.”

“No please Mulder just come to bed.”

“Okay I’ll be there in a minute.”

I got back under the covers and waited, as least Mulder had ate the food so it wasn’t wasted. I wondered if things would get better now, at least it would get him away from the B.S.U and all those killers and rapists.  
I was miles away when he got into bed and held me, I was struggling hard not to cry at how gentle he was. If I had my way I’d spend the rest of my life here, in this bed in Mulders arms.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex I’ve been doing some thinking about things.”

“Okay go on tell me.”

“Come to work with me tomorrow.”

“What, shit Mulder I can’t?”

“Why not?”

“You’re meant to be working, that’s why not.”

“Alex you’re still in training, I’ll just say I’m showing you around.”

“Will that work, shit you don’t want to fuck up now things are going your way.”

“I’ll be in the basement Alex, shit no one ever goes down there unless they have too.”

“I’d like that Mulder if you’re really sure.”

“Yes Alex I’m sure, now come on sleep as we need to be up early.”

“I love you Mulder.”

“Yeah Alex I know.”

I kissed Alex and just held him in my arms, I really did believe that he loved me.

XXXXXXXXXX

When morning came I expected Mulder to change his mind, not that I’d blame him if he had. However soon he was showing me his new office, he also explained to me what he’d be doing there.

“I’m really pleased for you Mulder, I hope one day I’m as good an agent as you.”

“Keep up with your studies and training then, you’re very bright Alex and would make a good Agent.”

“I will try.”

“Do you want to stay here all day, the last thing I want is for you to be bored that’s all.”

“Yeah that would be good, we need to talk later anyway.”

“Will I like this talk Alex?”

“Later, it’s only about money that’s all.”

“What do you need some?”

“Great so much for later.”

I was starting to realize there was no way out of it now, well better than at home as I could always just leave.

XXXXXXXXXXX

“No time like the present, so come on Alex out with it.”

“Look it’s not fair on you Mulder that’s all, I live off you for everything since I left my job.”

“Alex it’s my fault that you don’t have a job.”

“I just want to contribute to stuff, I’m planning on looking for a job straight away.”

“That’s fine Alex if that’s what you really want.”

“You’re not angry.”

“Alex you’re a grown man, just do me one favour though.”

“I will if I can.”

“If you don’t want me to fuck you right now move.”

“What I haven’t even done anything.”

“You really don’t know you’re doing it do you, or just how much sex appeal you have.”

Fuck Alex was blind to the fact he’s gorgeous, I knew I’d have to watch other men around him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

“Mulder what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Jesus Alex you sit there on my desk in your tight black jeans, God and you wonder why the hell I’m turned on.”

I sat and watched as Mulder got up, he then went over and locked the basement door.

“Strip for me Babe.”

“Mulder you’re of your rocker.”

“Who knows maybe I am, come on Alex be a bit daring.”

“Daring, shit Mulder it’d be suicide for both our careers if we get caught.”

“You only live once Alex, come on babe.”

Mulder came over and started unbuttoning my shirt, shit I realized he was doing it so slow and gently. The big question was whether I could resist him, I tried to think of bad things so I wouldn’t get hard...

Then Mulder undid the button on my pants, I knew there and then there was no going back now. God I was getting so turned on by him, all I kept thinking about was those long fingers round my throat.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well so much for resistance, Alex was like putty in my hands.

“Jesus and there I was thinking you’d put up a fight.”

“Shit Mulder I’m human you know; a hot good looking male has his hands down your pants. You expect me to just behave and not get turned on.”

“Just so you understand there’s no going back, God you’re fuckin gorgeous Alex.”

“Just tell me how you want me.”

“How about you bend over my new desk, that way we can christen it.”

“You read my mind Mulder.”

“Come on Alex strip for me.”

I watched mesmerized as he removed all his clothes, shit I would come in my pants at this rate.

“Turn and bend over babe.”

As soon as Alex was bent over I prepared him, not that I had much more than some spit and pre-cum.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Just give it to me Mulder.”

I could feel his fingers rub his own juices into my ass, then I felt the tip of his cock against the tight hole.  
I braced myself against his desk, I knew it would be painful at the beginning as he entered. However as Mulder pushed bit by bit I got frustrated, I just raised my backside and pushed backwards.

“Shit Alex are you trying to make me come already.”

“Don’t you dare Fox?”

“That’s twice now Alex.”

“What is?”

“Never mind.”

“Good come on Fox make me come screaming.”

God I was in heaven as I came, forcing Fox to also come as I tightened my ass. I wanted him to just stay inside me for a few more minutes, I knew this would be over far too soon.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Well lover I guess I’ll think of you while I’m at work, actually that’s not a good idea.”

“Why isn’t it a good idea?”

“Shit Alex I will be sat at my desk all day with a hard on.”

“Ooh how it sucks to be you.”

I pulled out fast slapping Alex on the backside, shit there was no way I could resist an ass like that.

“What the hell was that for Mulder?”

“Move your backside, come on we both need to get ourselves dressed.”

“Yeah true, I just hope no one heard us Mulder.”

“Alex the basement’s soundproofed.”

“And you only tell me this now why.”

“You were such a turn on when you were trying so hard not to scream.”

“I will get my own back Mulder.”

“Yeah whatever.”

I spent the next few hours searching through the files, it was only later I realized Alex was looking rather bored. I also remembered that we’d had nothing to eat, I guess it was time to call it a day.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d been falling asleep when Mulder spoke to me, however it would be good to get out of here.

“Shall we call it a day, come on Alex home and then a takeaway tonight.”

I stood and waited while Mulder locked his door, we then made our way to the underground carpark. I’d always hated how desolate it looked, places like this just gave me the creeps.

“You’ve been working, I’ll drive us Mulder.”

“No I’m fine don’t worry.”

“Ha and you call me stubborn.”

“You are stubborn, come on Alex just get in.”

Soon we arrived home, Mulder went and dished out the takeaway while I got changed. Very little was said as we were both tired, I cleaned up while Mulder changed then we called it a night.  
I lay there just thinking about my life and how happy I am, Mulder was my life now. All I needed to do was find a part time job, only thing was it had to fit around everything else in life. There was Mulder and his work, also my studies and training.

I drifted to sleep trying to think of the places I could look, that would be my main goal for tomorrow.

XXXXXXXXXXX

At work the next morning it was quiet, well quiet compared to having Alex here with me. I knew he wanted his independence and a job, yet I just wanted him to accept that I could help him.

I think deep down I liked been in control, I suppose that’s what happens when you come from a fucked-up family. Maybe if I was lucky he might not find a job for a while, I would rather him just concentrate on his career.

I had to also accept that Alex was an adult, I just wanted to give him things that would make him happy. Maybe I actually needed to get on with some work, that way I would be kept busy with less time to think.

I was brought out of my daydream as the phone rang, I pulled it out of my pocket and answered it.

XXXXXXXXXX

God it felt like I’d been in front of the pc for hours, I was really struggling to find a job with the hours I would need. I decided it was break time as I ‘d had enough, I decided to phone Mulder and see if he’d have lunch with me.

“Mulder it’s me, do you want to go out for a bite to eat?”

“Why what do you have in mind, are you on the menu Alex?”

“Maybe later, I just decided to go out job hunting that’s all. I just thought we could meet up and have lunch together.”

“Yeah okay I’d love to, just tell me when and where.”

“There’s that new restaurant five minutes from your work, we could say an hour if you can get away.”

“Yeah okay Alex one hour, see you there then.”

With that Mulder hung up, I quickly changed clothes and called myself a cab.

XXXXXXXXXX

I finished up the work I was doing, it would do me good to take a break too. Alex seemed to really want to meet, also the case would still be there when I got back.

Alex was already waiting for me outside, the new place appeared to be more like a bar than a dinner.

“I thought you said it was a restaurant Alex.”

“I thought it was, we can always find somewhere else if you want.”

“No we’re here now, it’s not like we wanted a three course meal anyway.”

“Come on then.”

Once inside the place looked rather tasteful, it had a long bar and a few tables. We sat at a table and found a menu, great sandwiches and coke it was to be.  
Soon the waiter brought our drinks over.

“Alex you could have had a beer you know, I’m only having coke cos I’m working.”

“No coke’s fine, I might not be working Mulder however I’m still looking. I don’t think it would look good do you, asking for a job while totally pissed.”

“Yeah okay point taken.”

It was nice to be out with Alex, it was also good that we were making time for each other.

XXXXXXXXXXX

“How’s work going anyway Mulder?”

“Quiet without you.”

“Mulder, you know you’d never work if I was there too.”

“Yes Alex I know, believe you me I’ve struggled all morning and you wasn’t even there.”

“So, you can’t blame me then.”

“Yeah I can, shit it was that desk that was putting me off.”

“Mulder having sex over that desk was your idea.”

“Yeah and I have no regrets.”

“Neither do I.”

“We must do it again Alex.”

“Once nearly gave me a heart attack, Jesus you like to live dangerous Mulder.”

“So is that a no then.”

“If I said no you know it’d be different if I was there with you.”

“Very true Alex.”

Yeah I knew Mulder would only have to make a pass, shit I’d be there begging for it, also it wouldn’t matter where we were.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great I knew I’d need to change the subject fast, my pants were starting to become really uncomfortable.

“So did you apply for many jobs then Alex?”

“Yeah a few, I decided to spend the afternoon having a look round though.”

“Yeah you never know somewhere might be advertising, just don’t forget about your education Alex.”

“I’m well aware about that Dad so don’t worry.”

“Very funny, I’m only trying to help you Alex.”

“I know you are Mulder, believe me I appreciate everything you’ve done for me too.”

“Come on then let’s eat up, I will have to be back at work soon.”

“Yeah okay, what time are you planning on coming home later?”

“Not too late, it’s not like I’ve started a case or anything yet.”

“I just thought I’d cook that’s all.”

“I’ll look forward to it Alex, at the moment I’m just reading some files.”

I knew among the many X files I’d find a lot of interesting stuff, it was just a matter of where to start.

XXXXXXXXXX

Mulder asked for the bill, ha just one of the many he paid instead of me.

I decided there and then I would look harder, even if it took hours I had to find a job. It was the owner who brought the bill, the waiter was just stood leaning against the bar.

“Excuse me gentleman I’m Paul the owner, I just wondered if I could have a quick word.”

“Yeah sure.”

“I hope you don’t take any offence against my waiter, however working in a place like this you can’t help hearing things.”

“We weren’t exactly talking quiet anyway was we Mulder, so what do you want a word about?”

 “My waiter’s tired and doing lots of overtime, he said he’d overheard that you were looking for a job.”  
God I couldn’t believe my luck, talk about been in the right place at the right time.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

“I will leave you here to discuss this Alex, it’s just I need to be heading back to work. You can let me know tonight how you get on.”

“Yeah okay Mulder no problem.”

With that I turned and left, I would leave Alex to decide if the job was suitable or not. I was just hoping the job would allow us time together, I finally got back to work and started back on the files.

I’d just gone to pick another file up, however that was when I noticed a new one on my desk with a note. It read Oregon cattle mutations possible abductions, well it looked like I’d be going out of town sooner than later.

I decided I’d just go home early, at least I’d be able to read the case and pack some stuff. I would also have to let Alex know, great I knew he wouldn’t be pleased me going away again so soon.

When I got home the apartment was empty with no Alex, I decided to read the report while I waited for him. I expected him to be home soon as he’d offered to cook, maybe he’d just called at the local store.

XXXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe my luck, I was given a couple of hour’s trial there and then. The boss said that I was a natural with the customers, we even had a few drinks afterwards, well quite a few.

I was now rather drunk and finally on my way home, I was excited and wanted to share my good news with Mulder. I was surprised that I’d been out over ten hours, I could also tell by Mulders face he was pissed off big time.

“Where have you been Alex?”

“Out working.”

“Yeah sure as hell looks like it.”

“Shit we had a few drinks after to celebrate that’s all.”

“Ha just a few.”

“Shit Mulder you’re not my fucking father, what’s up Mulder don’t you like me having my own income.”

With that I threw some money on the table and stormed out, I’d really thought Mulder would have been happy for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I don’t know why I felt so pissed off, Yeah okay in all honesty it was because I was jealous. Shit I was jealous that Alex might find someone else. I just sat for over two hours before falling asleep, God I’d got used to the bed now and my back ached sleeping on the couch.

When I woke I realized I was still all alone, shit Alex hadn’t even come back last night at all. Now here I was having to go out of town, I would have to leave within two hours if I were to make my flight.

Once I was ready I wrote a note, I didn’t even know if Alex would come back or see it. However I knew because of work there was nothing I could do, I just had to hope this case was sorted fast and that everything worked out all right.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d spent most of the night exhausted from just walking, however I knew I’d have to face Mulder and get some sleep. I had until seven before I went to work, seven hours to sleep and deal with Mulder.

I opened the apartment door and held my breath, yet I soon realized it was silent and Mulder must be at work. It was then that I noticed the note on the coffee table, it was a note explaining things and in Mulders hand writing.

Alex I’m sorry about last night, I guess I got a bit jealous there and was stupid. I’d come back early last night to spend some time with you, I have to go out of town for a couple of days Alex. You have my number so please call when you get time, I’d love to know you’re okay and that we’re still good.

I know you’re working now and will be busy, just remember I am proud of you despite how I behaved. Take care and talk soon Mulder

I knew Mulder was sorry, however I had no plan to just keep running to him. I decided I’d sleep shower and work first, I would call Mulder tonight after work and not a moment before.

XXXXXXXXXX

My day had felt like such a long one, it hurt so much not even knowing if Alex had returned back home. I’d phoned his cell twice to find it turned off, also the home phone just clicked onto the answering machine.

Because of the argument I never even knew the hours Alex worked, I decided to flick through some channels and watch something. Yet nothing could take my mind of Alex or where he was, the best thing was that I couldn’t do a dam thing about it.

My best bet would be to try and sleep, that way I would be able to work more efficient on the case.  
The sooner I got it sorted out the better, then I would be able to go home and see if Alex was even there.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d slept like a log, I guessed it was a combination of the walking and alcohol. I was running late when I showered and dressed, I was just lucky that I still managed to get to work on time.

It was mid-week and the place was rather quiet, I preferred it this way until I got used to working here.  
After work I stayed for a couple of drinks to be sociable, I had nothing or no one to rush home for tonight.

Later I turned my cell on and had six missed calls, also back home there were two messages on the answering machine. It was just the usual stuff, Mulder wanting me to call him back as soon as I could.

At the moment I was too drunk to care about anything, also I’d been warned about Fridays. My next day at work would be one of my busiest, also it would be a ten hour shift.

I knew I’d need plenty of sleep and to sober up, I would have to spend all of Saturday studying to catch up... My main goal in life had been to become an F.B.I Agent, ha yet I fell in love with one instead.

It would be okay and I’d phone Mulder tomorrow night, once I had my worst day out of the way.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke to find no missed calls at all, I was starting to have a really bad feeling about things. Today I vowed to sort this case out, either way I would return home tonight just for my own peace of mind.

I need not have worried too much, it turned out to be some teenagers into cattle mutation and damaging crops. It was no X file after all. I was just glad it’d been dealt with, I had to go home because I’d heard nothing at all.

I phoned the airport, the earliest flight they had was later tonight. That was fine, in the meantime I would get my report done and out of the way.

Once I got home I’d want to spend some quality time with Alex, well that’s if he came back I guess.

XXXXXXXXXX

God they weren’t joking when they said it’d be busy, I would be exhausted after ten hours of this. The place was heaving and it was hard to even move.

I was kept busy waiting on tables, however once night came the place was full of just drinkers.

There had been times a couple of people had come onto me, yet I knew I could handle myself if I had too. Shit then an image popped into my head, the image of how I’d handled myself against Agent Mulder. I just told myself it was only because I’d had the hots for him.

As the night went on so did the drinking, it was getting rowdy now and the orders kept coming. In some way I’d be glad to get home and shower tonight, great it was then I realized I’d forgot to ring Mulder.

The boss assured me it was only Fridays and Saturdays like this, at least Saturday was my night off and I was so relieved.  
At least after a few more hours I’d have a long weekend, I just hoped that Mulder would be there with me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I arrived back in D.C and called a cab to my apartment, also hopefully Alex too. I’d tried phoning while in the cab, however every time it just went to the answerphone. 

Once home I found it to be empty but lived in, at least that meant Alex was still coming home at night.

I had a shower and changed then the boredom set in, so I decided to dress casual and give Alex a surprise. I called another cab and set off to his place of work, the plan was to have a couple of drinks until he finished.

After Alex finished work we’d be able to go home together, I just wanted to get everything sorted out and spend some time together.

Once I arrived I found the place packed, at least I managed to call a waiter and get a drink.

XXXXXXXXXX

God my feet were killing and my back ached, I just wanted tonight to finally end. However I still had another three hours to go, the place just kept getting busier and busier.

I just hoped that I would be able to keep the pace up, I’m sure it would get easier after I’d been here a few weeks.

  
The more the customers drank, the more advances I had to put up with until I was fed up. It was like I was just there for their amusement, great I bet that was why I managed to get the job in the first place.

At least this way I’d be able to pay Mulder some money, be able to contribute to the rent and the bills. I really hated having Mulder pay for everything, shit it wasn’t fair on him at all. I felt like I was a kept person living this way, at least the tips were also good and made up for everything.

XXXXXXXXXX

I sat there enjoying my drink and just taking everything in, I realized that it was a very lively place on a Friday night. I’d managed to spot Alex a couple of times, however he’d been too busy to even notice me in the corner.

I’d also seen a couple of men get too friendly with the waiters, that also included Alex and I didn’t like it one bit. There was one man who’d even grabbed Alex’s backside as he passed, shit I was getting really angry now and jealous.

I knew Alex was gorgeous and I should accept it, yet I saw Alex as my property that no one could touch. It was as Alex was on his way back I snapped, some man grabbed Alex by the crouch and held him there, I then saw Alex smile at the man, he also leaned forward and whispered something to him. That was when I saw red and really lost it.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could see myself punching someone before the night ended, well this one man in particular. He’d grabbed my ass earlier but this was going too far the man was literally holding me by the balls while I squirmed around.

I leant forward really close to his ear and whispered in it, soon the man removed his hand and I thought that was the end of it. Shit I’d not been prepared for the sudden attack by a third person, I’d been spun around and punched full on in the face.

As I got my bearings I turned and saw my attacker, there stood Mulder looking like he wanted to kill me.

“Shit Mulder, what the fuck was that for?”

“Like you need me to tell you.”

“I’m working you fuckin idiot.”

Great that wasn’t a wise choice of words, Mulder then punched me hard in the stomach.

XXXXXXXXXX

I watched as Alex fell to his knees and someone grabbed me, they held me to stop me from hitting him again.

“Don’t call me an idiot, shit Alex you’re nothing but a fuckin whore.”

“Shit Mulder it wasn’t my fault.”

“Yeah right you seemed to be rather close there, even whispering to each other.”

“You always just presume Mulder don’t you, shit I’d told him to leave me alone as I had a jealous boyfriend. “

“I thought, shit I don’t know what I thought anymore.”

“You never thought Mulder and that’s the problem, God you really need to deal with your jealous streak.”

“You never called me Alex, all that time I thought you must have left me.”

“Mulder maybe every now and then you should just ask.”

We were interrupted by another waiter, apparently the boss wanted a word with Alex in private.  
All I could do was sit there and wait for Alex, at the moment I felt like the biggest jerk walking.

XXXXXXXXXX

I could not believe the way Mulder had behaved, yet here I was receiving my final pay. They no longer wanted me to work here, apparently I’d failed the trial period and could do nothing.

I went over to the pay phone and called a cab, I then walked straight past Mulder to wait outside. However I didn’t have to wait long until he followed me.

“Alex please at least talk to me.”

“What the fuck do you want me to say?”

“Just tell me you’re okay please.”

“Yeah I’m on top of the fuckin world. I have nothing now, no job or money just a jealous lover.”

“I’m sorry Alex, do you want me to go have a word with your boss?”

“No leave it Mulder, take a look at the damage you’ve already caused tonight. I just want to go home and get this swelling to go down.”

God I felt really sick, my whole fucking life was nothing but a waste of time.

XXXXXXXXXX

The journey home was spent in silence, Alex went straight to bed without even speaking to me at all. I didn’t want to piss him off anymore so I just grabbed a blanket, however once I was on the couch sleep refused to come.

Later I heard Alex go in the kitchen for a drink, he then came back and knelt down beside the couch. I’d thought he was going to hit me and braced myself, however I was surprised to feel his warm kiss on my lips.

“Come to bed Mulder.”

“I thought you wanted to be alone.”

“I’m pissed off and angry that I won’t deny Mulder, yet I still love the jealous stubborn bastard that you are.”

Alex stood and held his hand out to me, when I grabbed it he then led me to the bedroom. I kissed him on the bruise I’d caused and apologized once more, later we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

XXXXXXXXXX

I woke the next morning and just lay there, I was fascinated just watching Mulder sleep. I loved this man with all my heart, yet I realized he’d never once said those words to me. 

I just presumed that Mulder was insecure that’s all, maybe one day he’d pluck up the courage to say it back to me.  
I started to kiss him gently on the lip, soon it was to pay off as I felt him kiss me back.

“Mulder will you make love to me?”

“God it would be my pleasure Alex, I thought I’d lost you because of my stupid behaviour.”

“I love you Mulder, shit I was just really angry that’s all.”

“I know Alex and you had every right to be, look what I did to you and to your face.”

“It’s the past Mulder, hell all I ask is that you learn by it and don’t do it again.”

“I promise and I am truly sorry.”

“Mulder less talking and more action babe.”

Sometimes I realized Mulder talked far more than he needed to at times, now was the time for more action than words.

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew I was so lucky that Alex still wanted me at all, I also knew I’d have to help him find another job and soon. Yet I had more pressing matters to deal with first, the matter of the sexy warm body pressed against me.

I licked my way down his chest, I also kissed his prominent nipples as I went, God he was already as rock hard as I myself was, I knew I needed to be inside him before I came myself.

I parted his ass cheeks and found what I was looking for, soon I had Alex screaming as I licked his tight hole letting my tongue in from time to time.

“God Fox keep that up and I’ll come.”

“Isn’t that the general idea Alex?”

“Very funny, come on Fox fuck me and let me feel you inside.”

“You’re one very demanding man Alex, also very sexy and gorgeous I might add.”

God I knew that I had to be inside Alex, shit my balls felt like they’d burst soon if I didn’t come.

XXXXXXXXXX

Oh fuck I was in heaven, I felt Fox enter me then plunge home. I loved this man with all my heart, I also loved it every time he fucked me.

“Shit I’m coming Fox.”

I clenched my ass cheeks hard as I came, within seconds Fox had also come within me.

“I love you Fox.”

“Yeah I know you do.”

“You can’t say it can you.”

“I’m sorry Alex, I just find it so hard after the life I’ve had.”

“Yeah I know Fox, it doesn’t matter so don’t worry about it.”

“But it does matter, all I ask is for time Alex.”

I just prayed that I wouldn’t be old and grey when he finally had the courage, all I craved was for Fox to tell me he loved me.

XXXXXXXXXX

The sex was fantastic with Alex, it was far better than with any partner I’d had in the past. Yet I didn’t even know how I truly felt about anything, Alex or myself.

“Alex I know it’s my fault you lost your job and thought I might be able to help, I have some stuff needs doing and I thought you could do it.”

“Mulder what are you talking about.”

“You see all these boxes.”

“Do you really think I can miss them, hell we can only just find the bed.”

“Very funny Alex, they all need typing up and the files burning to disk. I just thought you might want to do it until you get a job.”

“So you want me to be your secretary?”

“You don’t have to do it, I just thought it would save me paying someone.”

“I don’t mind doing it at least I’ll feel like I’m doing something, with any luck we might find the floor as well as the bed.”

I gave Alex a sharp slap across the backside, oh if looks could kill.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Ow what was that for?”

“Your cheek that’s what babe.”

“So when do I start then.”

“You can start today if you want, I’ll be leaving for work soon anyway.”

“Yeah okay, I guess there’s no time like the present.”

“Hey do a good job and I’ll take you out later.”

“Why what’s the occasion?”

“Nothing, I just thought we could spend some time together.”

“Yeah sounds good, I’ll look forward to it then.”

We agreed a time to go out, in the meantime I managed to work through two of the boxes.

Soon it was time to get a shower and dressed, I couldn’t wait to spend the night with Mulder.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d had a busy day at work, it had also been a rather stressful day too. I drove home to go and collect Alex, I just felt like I had so much on my mind at the moment. Soon however we were having a good meal along with some drinks, I sat across the table from Alex.

Fuck the man was gorgeous and I was proud to be with him, however something just felt wrong and I had no idea what.

“Mulder are you okay?”

“Yeah was miles away and just thinking.”

“Stressful day I take it.”

“Yeah a few changes that’s all.”

“Anything you want to talk about.”

“Not now, I just want us to have a good evening together.”

“Fine Mulder, just remember I’m always here if you do want to talk.”

I reached over the table and gave Alex a lingering kiss, suddenly it hit me what was making me stressed out. This gorgeous man sat here wanted me, he wanted a commitment, just him and me with no one else.

I realized that I was stressed and scared, deep down I had no idea if I was capable of giving him what he wanted and needed.

XXXXXXXXXX

We came back from a really good evening, we’d had a few drinks and were both merry. Over the past year we’d had some really good times, yet there was just one thing that still bothered me.  
I had declared my feelings so many times, yet Mulder had never managed to say it even once.

I went and made us some coffee, I then went back in the room and stood behind Mulder. I put my arms around his chest and hugged him, God how I loved this man with all my heart.

“I love you so much Mulder.”

“I know you do Alex.”

“Do you love me?”

“Alex you know how I feel.”

“No I don’t, shit that’s why I’m asking.”

“Fuck you then Alex.”

With that I was left standing there as Mulder slammed the bedroom door, what a great night this was turning out to be.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great I knew that I perhaps looked childish, however at the moment I couldn’t have cared less. Alex had to just keep pushing me, shit love was something I’d only say when I was ready.

I lay there just staring at the ceiling, it had been a year yet everything had gone so fast. Things had also changed in the last year, I was now working on the X files and there was my Sister.  
I had to wonder if I was even capable of love or having a relationship, I’d also just been assigned a new partner at work too.

  
I was pulled from my thoughts as Alex entered the bedroom, I just lay there watching as he came and got into bed. Shit the silence was suffocating and I wouldn’t be able to sleep, we needed to get this sorted out here and now.

“Alex I’m sorry it’s just a lot’s happened recently, also with this new partner Dana Scully.”

“You’re so full of bullshit Mulder.”

Oh great I could see that things were going from bad to worse, Alex was defiantly in no mood to listen tonight.

XXXXXXXXXX

Fox Mulder’s one stubborn man, I knew that he wasn’t going to answer me anytime soon. All the excuses just made me angry and pissed off, shit he must know whether he loves me or not.

“Alex please just listen to me.”

“Why when you use every excuse in the book, your Sister, your work and now you’re fuckin partner.”

“It’s not an excuse.”

“Maybe you need to go back to profiling Mulder, while you’re there you can profile yourself.”

“Whatever, I’ve had enough of this shit and I'm off to sleep.”

“Don’t you fuckin dare turn your back on me Mulder?”

“Go fuck yourself Alex, believe me I’m not in the mood.”

“Why when you’re good at doing that to me.”

“What the fucks that supposed to mean.”

“Well you were good once over at just taking what you wanted.”

Fuck suddenly I was pinned to the bed, then Mulder punched me hard in the face and stomach.

XXXXXXXXXX

“I swear that you must have a death wish Alex.”

“What’s the matter Mulder does the truth hurt, I swear you get off on hitting people.”

“Well I think you seem to get off on been hit, for all I know maybe you get off on been raped too.”

Shit I knew that things were getting further and further out of hand, however Alex knew how to push all of my buttons.

“Get the fuck off me now Mulder.”

“Why when I’m having so much fun.”

I started to yank at Alex’s underwear until I’d ripped it, I then punched him once more in the stomach. As soon as he was winded I pulled his boxer shorts off.

“I swear that I’ll kill you if you don’t stop Mulder.”

“Now Alex, come on we were having such a good evening.”

“Get the fuck off me right now.”

“Not a hope in hell, just remember you asked for this Alex.”

“Mulder please it will destroy us both, shit it took you a year to get over what you did before.”

“Just shut the fuck up.”

It was then that I knew I couldn’t stop myself, what the fuck had I become.

XXXXXXXXXX

God I couldn’t believe this was happening again, what the fuck had I done to deserve this twice. I had loved this man, yet he seemed determined to make me hate him.  
Holy shit that was when I felt him shove his finger inside me, oh god no he wasn’t even planning on using something.

“Please Fox don’t do this, especially like this it fuckin hurts.”

“Just shut the fuck up and take it like a man.”

I felt the fingers pull out, shit only to be replaced by the tip of his cock. I wanted to scream as he forced himself fully into me, instead I bit my lip hard.

“Come on Alex you know you want this.”

“Please don’t.”

I struggled to hold back the tears, however once they started I was unable to stop them. I lay there been used as he forced himself in and out, all I wanted was for my life to end

“All I wanted was for you to love me.”

I just lay there no longer caring about anything anymore.

XXXXXXXXXX

I got myself worked up and knew I was close, within a few minutes I was coming fast and hard. God the man had such a gorgeous body and was so tight. 

Fuck I looked down and saw the broken man below me, he was battered and bleeding with bruises appearing. Also just to top it off I’d raped him once more.

“Oh God Alex what have I done.”

“Get off me now Mulder.”

I moved off him and just sat beside him, shit I watched as he had to struggle to get off the bed. It took him a few minutes, however he finally stood and went to the bathroom. I was frozen as he went inside and slammed the door shut.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet lid, it must have been at least half an hour before I moved. I showered slowly and washed all the blood away, I couldn’t help but notice all the bruises slowly appearing on my body.

I started to wonder if maybe it was me, all I’d wanted was love yet I was raped yet again. I heard the knock on the door and his voice talking to me, yet all I wanted was to be left alone.

“Alex please open the door.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Please, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“What the fuck do you think Mulder?”

“Please can we talk?”

“It’s too late now, I loved you so much.”

“I’m sorry.”

I knew that I’d eventually have to open the door, I guess it was time to get it over with.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was sat on the couch when Alex entered the room, what the fuck had I just done to him.

“Please Alex sit down and talk.”

“I have just one question Mulder that’s all.”

“Alex.”

“No you fuckin listen to me Mulder and answer me, do you love me.”

“No Alex and I’m sorry.”

“Did you ever love me?”

“I wanted you to be happy, shit I’d already made you suffer so much.”

“You’re pissing me off now, just answer me God dam it Mulder.”  
I knew that this had been going on for over a year, it was time to finally sort it out and move on. I knew all I had to do was be honest, I also knew it would hurt Alex.

XXXXXXXXXXX

I stood there and waited for Mulder to answer me, God every part of my body was sore and ached.

“No Alex I never loved you, I’d destroyed your life and wanted to make it up to you.”

I think it was at that moment my world fell apart and my heart broke, the pain was unbearable.

“You had a relationship with me for a year because you felt sorry for me, do you know how much that hurts. You have just hurt me far worse than either time you raped me, I trusted you and thought you really wanted to be with me.”

“What can I say Alex, at the time I’d have given you my soul if it made you happy.”

“It was never about me was it?”

“What do you mean Alex?”

“You did all this to ease your own fucking conscience, well I hope it fucking worked and you’re happy now.”

“Please Alex it wasn’t like that.”

“So what was it then, you just told me that you never loved me.”

I knew that I had to leave soon, if I stayed I’d end up having a nervous breakdown.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Okay I felt guilty for raping you, but I felt even more guilt because I’d fucked your life up. It was you Alex and I just wanted you to be happy, I don’t think I’m capable of love or even knowing what love is.”

“Well at least the truth has come out now.”

I knew by the look on Alex’s face I’d truly destroyed his life, however it was too late to change it now.

“You know what they say Mulder.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s a fine line between love and hate and guess what, you just fucking crossed it.”

I sat there and watched as Alex packed his bags, this was one relationship that was well and truly over. 

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe how fast everything had gone wrong, only a few hours earlier we’d been laughing and having a good time. I stormed around the apartment searching for all my stuff, I guess I’d accumulated quite a bit over the last year or so.

I would have no choice but to return to shared accommodation, I would also need an income as I’d nearly finished my training. However for tonight I just wanted to get out of here, I wanted to get far away from Mulder.

“I think that’s everything, if you find anything else just bin it.”

“Please Alex don’t leave like this.”

“I’ll wait outside for the cab, I hope you get the life you deserve Mulder.”

With that I turned and walked out of the apartment, there would be no going back now.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe it was over just like that, deep down it was perhaps for the best. I decided to keep telling myself that, finally I might just believe it myself.  
That night felt strange in the bed alone, after a few hours I ended up back on the couch once more. What could I say, I’d fucked up once more but life went on.

I had all my files to keep me busy, even though I think everyone would take them too if they could. Work was to become my life day after day, I also became reckless, I only cared about the truths I believed in.

Dana Scully turned out to be a good partner, more like a sister trying to keep me on the right path. Time went by as did life, I’d had no choice but to move on.

XXXXXXXXXX

I’d had such a couple of fucked up years, firstly there had been Mulder who’d walked into my life and changed everything.   
There were many nights I wondered about things, wondered what would have happened had Mulder walked by the dinner that night.

However no matter how sad it may sound, that was probably the best year of my life. I knew that I would have still wanted to meet him no matter what, I also knew that somewhere deep down I still loved the man.

Then there was my career as it’d been rough when I left Mulder, I just looked like some rape victim who had nothing. I’d ended up in some shitty room, well that was until this man came along and changed everything.

He’d wanted me to work for him as he was high up, stupid me had fallen for all the shit he spouted. At least I now had somewhere to call home, along with some money and even my own car. Also he had just paid me a recent visit, it had been to offer me a job I couldn’t refuse...

XXXXXXXXXX

My life had become shit and maybe I’d got the life I deserved, I’d lost Alex and it had taken that to make realize what he meant to me. Once he was gone I’d realized that I did love him, now I had to live with the pain I’d caused him and myself.

Then I’d also lost my precious X files along with Scully, she was now working back at Quantico.  
My life was worth shit, I was also sick of hearing the bimbo’s voice on the tape. However I realized I could hear another voice, that was when the pain came flooding back.

“Krycek, Alex Krycek remember me Mulder?”

Remember Me   
By CarolelaineD   
This was originally going to be the end, however I couldn’t leave them like that.

Remember me (continued)  
Jesus this had to be a fuckin joke, I would recognize the voice of Alex anywhere. However this had been the last place I expected to see him, I knew he’d been training but not here, shit and not now.

“Alex.”

“What’s the matter Mulder, you don’t look too pleased to see me.”

“It’s a shock that’s all.”

“Ha, I bet you thought you’d got rid of me for good.”

“It wasn’t like that Alex.”

“Mulder to be honest I don’t really want to know, I’m here to do a job and nothing more.”

“I can’t work with you Alex.”

“Do you really hate me that much Mulder.”

“No I just can’t that’s all.”

“Look it’s my case Agent Mulder, so you see you have two choices. Work the case with me, or get the fuck off my case.”

“Fine whatever, just go requisition a car for us then, I’ll meet you in the parking garage.”

Shit I knew this wouldn’t work out at all, I would need to get rid of Alex as soon as possible.

XXXXXXXXXX

So far so good, thing’s had actually gone better than I’d expected. To be honest I’d thought Mulder would just hit me, yet here I was without even one bruise.

I cleared the use of a car for us and went in search of Mulder, ha surprise surprise, He’d done a runner on me. Well at least I knew where he would be going, like a good boy scout he still had the cab waiting for him.

It wasn’t a problem at all, I paid the cab off and sent it on its way. I then sat back and waited for Mulder, I knew I wouldn’t have to wait too long.

Shit it hit me like a bolt of lightning, when Mulder reappeared I knew I still wanted him. The man was still as gorgeous as ever, he also still had hold of my heart. I willed my semi erect cock to go down, only then did I exit the car.

“I see you’re still an arrogant prick Mulder, you get off on ditching me like some bad date.”

“Well maybe that’s all you were to me Alex, a bad date and a shit fuck.”

God I would kill this man before this case was over, that or vice versa.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

“You’ve gone very quiet Alex, what’s the matter does the truth hurt.”

“Sticks and stones Mulder and even if I was a bad date, well at least I wasn’t ........”

“Wasn’t what Alex, go on say it.”

“I wasn’t a fucking rapist okay.”

I had Alex by the throat and shoved against the car, I then punched him hard in the stomach. I stood and watched as he fell to his knees, I was frozen to the spot as I realized the truth did hurt.

“Get the fuck away from me Mulder.”

“God I’m so sorry Alex.”

“You’re not sorry though Mulder, that’s the problem and always has been.”

I held out my hand to help Alex up, however he refused and stood on his own.

XXXXXXXXXX

The bastard always knew just where to hit me, however I hurt far more than just physically.

“Alex.”

“Forget it Mulder we have a case to deal with, so where are we going now.”

“To see Scully, Alex can we talk later please.”

“I have nothing to say to you Mulder, we work the case then go our separate ways.”

“I don’t suppose there’s any way I can get you to listen is there.”

“No Mulder there isn’t so just drop it will you.”

I finally got to meet his ex-partner Agent Scully, most of the day we only talked about the case, and then only if we had too. I just wanted it to be the end of the day, I’d need to report to Spender before I could go home too.

XXXXXXXXXX

I really needed to focus on this case, I had to solve it or I’d go mad. I couldn’t be around Alex for much longer, a few hours and I’d already punched him.

Later after a long stressful day I was finally on my way home, I decided to go via the local liquor store.

Finally I arrived home, it would be a night spent with my vodka and V.C.R. I knew that to most I must appear a right sad bastard, not that I really cared anymore what they thought.

The vodka was kicking in, however it wasn’t in the way I’d wanted it to work. I was becoming really depressed the more I drank, I couldn’t take anymore and needed to get out of my apartment.

XXXXXXXXXX

I went to see Spender straight after work, I hated having to suffer the smell of smoke in that room.

“Alex dear boy, how’s that new partner of yours.”

“What do you actually want from me Spender?”

“You were given orders Alex, you’re to do as I say and keep watching until the time is right.”

“Then what?”

“Do you have a problem with your orders Alex?”

“This isn’t what I wanted, shit I just wanted to be an F.B.I Agent.”

“Fine stay until Mulder’s dealt with then you can walk, we will then call it even for all the help I’ve given you Alex.”

“Just like that.”

“Providing you do a good job that is.”

“Fine whatever.”

So I had to just deal with Mulder for now, then finally I might be able to move on in life.

XXXXXXXXXX

I needed to see Alex and sort things out, shit it was then I realized I didn’t even know if he lived alone.  
Who cared anyway, I called a cab and would take my chances. It’ wasn’t like I had anything to lose anyway. I decided to down the rest of the vodka while waiting for my cab.

I managed to survive the journey without throwing up, I knew I’d been taking a risk drinking that much on an empty stomach. I threw some money at the cab driver, he seemed pleased so it must have been enough.

I was starting to feel sick so I decided on the stairs, better to be safe than sorry. I finally reached the correct floor for his apartment, number thirty four was quiet apart from some soft music.  
Well I was here now so I might as well knock, there was no point going back home until I’d seen Alex.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt really good after the hot shower, well apart from the annoying headache I had. I dressed in a pair of boxers and put some light music on. I then grabbed a glass of water and lay down on the couch.

I’d turned the light off earlier and just lay there in the dark, I also found the music to be quiet relaxing. I was drifting off to sleep, well that was until the banging on my door.

I got up and opened the door a couple of inches, there stood Mulder looking rather worse for wear.

“Mulder why are you here?”

“We need to talk Alex.”

“Look I have a headache and don’t need this right now.”

“Please Alex, five minutes that’s all I ask.”

“Fine go sit on the couch, I just need to go grab some clothes.”

There was no way I was sitting out there dressed like this, especially as he looked totally drunk.

XXXXXXXXXX

“You don’t have to get dressed on my account Alex.”

“Yeah right, let’s just say I’ll feel a lot safer.”

“Shit are you that scared of me Alex.”

“I’m not scared of you Mulder, I’m scared of what you might do if temptation’s in your way.”

“Please believe me Alex, I would never do that to you again.”

“Just stay here Mulder and shut up.”

I remained sat on the couch until Alex returned moments later, he now had some trackies and a tee shirt on.

“So out with it Mulder just say you’re peace and go.”

“Everything I did to you Alex was wrong, shit I know I fucked up big time before.”

“Yeah you can say that again.”

“I just want you to know how I feel.”

“Just get on with it Mulder, I want you out of here and out of my life.”

Great I knew it was now or never, I had to tell Alex even if it meant him never talking to me again.

XXXXXXXXXX

“We were good together Alex, shit this isn’t going right.”

I knew Mulder was struggling, hell I wasn’t surprised as he was totally wasted.

“I’m trying to tell you that I made a mistake.”

“Yeah I know Mulder, I was there if you can remember.”

“God I’m not on about the rape Alex, but yes that was a mistake too.”

“God Mulder I haven’t got all night, I am at work in the morning.”

“I made a mistake letting you go, I just couldn’t handle a relationship at the time.”

“We had some good times I agree, however it’s the past now Mulder.”

“What I’m trying to say Alex, shit after you left I realized I love you.”

“You’re drunk Mulder.”     

“I could never say it before, all the times you had asked me. So I ‘m saying it now, I love you Alex.”

I really didn’t need this now, I was so close to my freedom and a life.

“Get out Mulder.”

“Please Alex, you have to listen to me.”

“Get the fuck out right now.”

I grabbed Mulder by his arm and pulled him up, shit he looked like he was about to start crying.

“If you really love me go, you can tell me you love me when you sober up then I might believe you.”

I watched as Mulder got up and walked out, he left with no back chat or violence. I was starting to feel really nervous about this, it was easier to pretend I hated Mulder when he hated me.

I’d waited so long to hear those words, yet now I wasn’t even sure if it was still what I wanted. I finally went to bed and just lay there, shit my headache was now far worse than before.

XXXXXXXXXX

What the fuck had I expected Alex to say, I raped the man and beat him, then to top it off I tell him I love him. I seriously think part of me had expected the same that we could just pick up where we left off. Over time both of us had changed, maybe there was no going back anymore.

I decided to just go home and sober up, maybe he was right and I should try when the drink wears off. I just had to hope that I wasn’t making things worse, I guess all I could do was give it my best shot.

The next morning I took some pills, my hangover was a complete bitch at the moment. I found Alex already sat at the desk reading, well I guess it would be up to me to start a conversation.

“Morning Alex, how’s things today.”

“You look like shit Mulder, what’s up have you got a hangover.”

“Very funny.”

“That will teach you to get pissed and harass people.”

“Is that what you think I did Alex?”

“Well it surely felt that way to me.”

“Well I’m sober now.”

“What do you want me to do about it Mulder.”

“I’m sober Alex, so now I’m telling you that I love you.”

It had taken some guts to say it while sober, however at least Alex knew how I felt now.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Mulder just shut the fuck up, I really don’t want to know.”

“You asked me to say it when I was sober.”

“Not here and not now.”

“Tell me where and when then Alex.”

“Fine I’ll come over to your place tonight.”

“Really.”

“Yes Mulder really, that way I’ll be able to leave if I need too.”

“So why come then.”

“Tonight Mulder, so you can take it or leave it.”

“Fine tonight then Alex.”

“Right come on we both have work to do.”

We had a case we were working on, so I was just hoping Mulder would get distracted. Great I’d agreed to meet him tonight, the general idea was to get him off my back and leave me alone.

I couldn’t handle Mulder telling me his feelings now, it was past that and too late. It had become too late the day he raped me and kicked me out. I’d been forced to make choices in life, many I’d rather not have made.

XXXXXXXXXX

Well I suppose Alex coming over later was a good start, deep down I felt sick at the thought of rejection. It made me start to realize how Alex must have felt, I’d raped him and kicked him out.

Only a few hours earlier we’d been so happy, yet I must have destroyed that man’s life because I was scared to reveal my feelings.

I knew at that point what I had to do, even if Alex rejected me I owed it to him to help him. Now all I had to do was wait until tonight, well what better way to pass time than work?  
I spent the day just watching Alex, it made me realize just what I’d had and lost.

XXXXXXXXXX

After work I received a call from Spender, so here I was just sat in his office waiting.

“Alex dear boy, do we still have our agreement?”

“What would that be?”

“You deal with a certain Mulder problem for me, then I won’t expect you to do any dirty work.”

“You said I’d get to walk away, now you’re saying I won’t get the dirty work.”

“Well I’m sure my way will be acceptable to you.”

“Fine what is it you expect me to do for you, what do I have to do to Mulder.”

“You are to give him an injection, one administered he’ll be easier to handle and to brainwash.”

“What the fuck.”

“Shut up and listen, Alex sit right back down now. Mulder will be brainwashed in to thinking you’re his lover, you should like that part as it’s what you wanted all along.”

“Just get on with it, then what after he’s brainwashed.”

“You get to keep Mulder, also I will be out of your life. All you have to do is keep Mulder on a very short leash.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You give him the injection once a month, Mulder will start to lose interest in all our affairs.”

“What injection.”

“You ask way too many questions Alex, however the injection will make sure he never remembers certain things.”

“If I agree when’s it meant to happen?”

“Tonight Alex.”

“That soon?”

“You go in and gain his trust, once he receives the injection call me. I will arrange for him to then be dealt with.”

“Great talk about short notice.”

“Tonight without fail Alex.”

Great I guess I’ll be going to Mulders after all.

XXXXXXXXXX

Part of me was looking forward to Alex coming over, yet I was also scared shitless. I had showered and was now just sat here, I’d bought a bottle of wine but was not sure if that was a good idea.

When I heard the knock at the door I froze, I had to just act natural and accept what would be. I managed to move and open the door, Alex stood there looking as gorgeous as ever.

“I’m glad you came Alex.”

“Yeah so am I.”

“Come in and sit down, do you want a drink or anything.”

“I’m fine Mulder, I came because you said you wanted to talk.”

“We do Alex, I’ve told you how I feel towards you.”

“Why now Mulder?”

“I think I was too scared before, hell if I’m honest I’m also scared now. I thought I’d never see you again Alex.”

I watched as Alex just sat there thinking, he looked so young and vulnerable like before.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great originally I’d been planning to tell Mulder it was too late, however now I knew I no longer had a choice. Spender had made sure of that for me, I hated myself for what I was about to do to him.

“I still love you Fox and I always have, I really would like it if we tried once more.”

“Do you really mean it Alex?”

“Yes I mean it Fox, all I ever wanted was for you to love me back.”

“I think I always did love you back, yet I was willing to lose you rather than get hurt.”

“I guess it never worked though.”

“No after you left the pain was even worse, I just tried to move on.”

“It’s the past Fox, we will need to move forward if we want it to work.”

God I hated myself and needed a drink more than ever, I wasn’t even sure if Mulder could drink before the injection.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was so happy, here Alex was and willing to give us one more chance.

“Do you want that drink now Alex.”

“No Fox all I want is for you to kiss me.”

“Well I have no intention of turning you down Alex.”

I went and knelt down on the floor, I then just looked up at this man with amazement.

“I love you so much, I can’t thank you enough Alex for giving me this chance to prove myself.”

“Kiss me Fox, shit do you even want me calling you that.”

“Yeah Alex but only you.”

  
I pulled Alex towards me and held his head, I then tasted the lips I’d missed so much. It felt so good to be holding him again, I’d fucked his life up twice and he still wanted me.

XXXXXXXXXX

I felt like a complete bastard at the moment, I knew I’d have to give him the injection soon. It just felt so good been in his arms once more, hell if I played my cards right he might always be mine.

“I love you too Fox, you do know that don’t you.”

“Yes Alex I know you do.”

While Fox was distracted I pulled the syringe from my pocket, there would be no going back now or my life would be over. I just stuck the needle in his arm and pressed the plunger.

“Goodnight my Fox, just remember I will always love you. Even if you forget everything else, please just try and remember me and how much I love you.”

“Alex something just stung me.”

“Its okay babe I’ve got you, I’ll always be here for you Fox.”

I held Fox until he was fast asleep, I then pulled out my cell and made the call. The call to that cancerous bastard was just me saving my own skin. To be honest I felt like my world had just fallen apart.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

I drifted in and out of sleep, shit it felt like I was totally drunk and my head hurt. I seemed unable to focus on anything, shit I couldn’t even tell if I was still at home.

“Alex.”

“I’m here Fox, don’t worry I’ve got you you’re safe.”

“What happened, shit my head hurts too.”

“You had too much wine babe that’s all, just relax and you’ll feel better soon.”

“God I feel like shit.”

“We had a good reason to celebrate Fox.”

“Yeah my brains a bit foggy at the moment, you did want to try again didn’t you Alex.”

“Now and always lover.”

I could cope with the headache, hell I could cope with anything with Alex by my side.  
XXXXXXXXXX

I was a complete bastard, there were no two ways about it. I’d done this to the man I loved to save myself. He raped me to get what he wanted, shit I’m taking his whole life away so I’m worse.  
To be honest I felt like the biggest sleaze ball walking, maybe I did deserve everything I got.

“Come on Fox I think we both need some sleep, let’s go to bed lover.”

“Shit I haven’t slept in that bed since I made you leave here.”

“Come on then, now’s a good time as any to start.”

“Ha that’s if you can find the bed in there Alex.”

“I’m sure between the two of us we’ll sort it out.”

It was over an hour later when we had the boxes stacked up, now the bed was fully made with clean sheets. Fox collapsed on the bed exhausted, I was glad in a way as I felt so dirty.

XXXXXXXXXX

At least I woke the next morning without the headache, also there was Alex whom I loved so much. I knew we had very little time before work, however I couldn’t resist giving him a wake up kiss.

“Come on sleepy head, I’d love to stay in bed but works calling.”

“It’s Friday Fox, we will have all weekend to stay in bed together.”

“Come on then let’s move.”

I went and got ready for work while Alex made the coffee, soon we were both ready to leave for work.

“What do you fancy doing tonight Alex?”

“Whatever you want Fox is okay with me.”

“Okay I’ll try and plan something for later then.”

“Fox we could always just spend the night in.”

“Sounds good to me lover.”

I love Alex so much and couldn’t think of a better way to spend the evening, just me and him alone together.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great when evening came I was as nervous as hell, I bet Fox would think I’m as immature as fuck. I just couldn’t bring myself to make love to him, how could I when I was lying and deceiving him.

“Alex you look miles away babe.”

“I was just thinking that’s all.”

“Thinking about good things I hope.”

“Yeah how I want you to make love to me Fox.”

“My pleasure, come on babe let’s go to bed.”

Once in the bedroom I got undressed and into bed, soon Fox was also very naked and pressed against me. I ran my hand down his chest and played with his nipples, he was so perfect and all mine.  
“How do you want it Alex.”

“Hard, I want you to make me yours Fox.”

I rolled over on to my stomach and waited for my lover, not that I had to wait long.

XXXXXXXXXX

“You’re gorgeous Alex and so perfect.”

“I’m far from perfect, believe me Fox.”

“To me you are perfect, I don’t care how much you protest the fact lover.”

I grabbed the lube and applied it to my fingers, I also put a large amount on Alex’s tight hole. God I couldn’t wait as I slipped my fingers inside him, he felt so fuckin hot and tight.

I listened to his breathing then inserted another finger, god I was going to come soon just by watching him.  
Soon I was stretching him open nicely, I then pulled my fingers out and back in fast.

“Alex are you okay babe?”

“God yes, please just fuck me Fox.”

“Hang on babe.”

I applied some more lube, soon I had the tip of my cock in position against his tight hole. I started slowly to begin with, however Alex pushed backwards impaling himself on my cock.

“Jesus Alex.”

“I’m okay Fox, come on just fuck me hard now.”

I was in heaven as I made love to Alex once more, together again like it should have been all along.

XXXXXXXXXX

I reared up forcing his hard cock deep inside me, I wanted to fully feel everything he gave. Truth be told I wanted it to really hurt, I wanted to suffer and try and take away the guilt I felt.

As Fox worked up a rhythm I’d also noticed something, shit my own cock remained as flaccid as hell. How the fuck would I explain that to Fox, soon I had to think of something before he realized.

I waited until he was just about to come, that was when I faked my own orgasm. At that moment I also realized I was crying, shit I was a right mess.

I felt my lovers weight shift from me, soon he lay beside me just holding me in his arms.

“Alex are you sure you’re okay, shit you never even got to come babe.”

“I’m fine Fox, I came on the mattress sorry about that.”

“Hey I don’t care as long as you came babe, so why all the tears then Alex.”

“I’m crying because I’m happy, please don’t worry about it Fox.”

Shit now I had to hope that Fox never learnt the truth, the real reason for all my tears.

XXXXXXXXXX

Soon Alex was asleep in my arms, I knew I had to trust him and take him at his word. Deep down though I just knew something was bothering me, something just felt really wrong with this.

We had the next couple of days together, maybe that would be a good time to keep an eye on my lover. I had to admit that Alex had always been very sensitive, but that was one of the things I really loved about him.

Soon I was waking up to bright sunshine, I also realized that I was in bed alone. I decided to take a piss then search for Alex, when I got up I realized the sheet was still clean.

Maybe it was just me been paranoid, I knew I’d have to lighten up or risk losing Alex once more.  
Shit once had been bad enough, I would have to let Alex tell me himself if something was wrong, also when he was good and ready.

Soon I could smell the coffee coming from the kitchen, my lover was sat there looking as sexy as ever.

“Morning babe, what do you want to do today?”

“I need to go home Fox.”

“Why babe?”

“I just need some clean clothes and stuff, I don’t want to spend all weekend in a suit lover.”

“I know its early days Alex and we just got back together, I’m trying to ask you to move back in with me.”

Great I had a feeling I’d just blown it bigtime, it took a few minutes before Alex finally answered me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Part of me knew it would be harder to keep my secret, yet I knew it would really make Fox happy along with that black lunged bastard.

“Are you really sure it’s what you want, what about our jobs and everything.”

“It would be okay babe, look Alex just say no if you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that Fox, I just want you to be sure that’s all.”

“Yeah I’m sure that’s why I asked Babe.”

“Okay Fox I would love to move in with you.”

“Great we can get it sorted out over the weekend, that’s if you want to do it now.”

“Yeah might as well as I need to go back there anyway, at least it will also be out of the way.”

I loved Fox but this was scaring the hell out of me, I was unsure if I’d be able to keep the act up. At least we’d be busy all weekend, which meant far less time for anything else.

XXXXXXXXXX

We spent all weekend moving Alex’s belongings, soon however he was officially living with me. He had seen his landlord and payed his rent up to date.

Alex had claimed he was tired most of the weekend, I however still believed he was hiding something from me.  
Time went by fast and He’d been here a month now, yet in all that time he behaved the same around me. Alex had never ended up saying if anything was wrong between us, or maybe it was just me.

We made love, well I made love to him all the time. Alex was to never initiate anything between us, nor did he ever want to be the one on top. If anyone asked I’d swear that Alex had never come, not once in all the weeks he’d been here.

I decided we’d have a night in, maybe a few drinks and he might open up a bit. I loved him and was hoping he had no regrets, well regrets regarding the two of us as a couple.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great now Fox wanted a romantic night together, I knew that my depression was getting worse as each day passed. Today was worse than normal due to my phone call, only an hour earlier I’d heard from Spender.

I have two more days before having to give Fox his next injection, I was having serious doubts as to whether I could do it again.  
That evening Fox ordered takeaway, he also opened a bottle of vodka and grabbed two glasses.

“Do you want a drink Alex?”

“Yeah can do.”

“Are you okay babe?”

“Yeah long day that’s all.”

“Come on then let’s have a few drinks and relax.”

We had a pleasant evening together, we watched some alien movie and got drunk. Soon it was late though and Fox had more plans for us, great another night of feeling even more guilt.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Alex do you want another drink?”

“No I’m tired and think I’ll call it a night, how about you Fox.”

“Do I get a bedtime kiss then before we go to sleep.”

“Yeah come on lover.”

“Alex I do love you.”

“I know Fox and I love you too, I always will so come on let’s go to bed.”

Soon we were both side by side in bed, however when Alex rolled over I knew what to expect. It would be me doing it again, me making love to Alex and him not coming.

“Alex do you want to be on top for a change.”

“Maybe tomorrow, shit I’m too drunk at the moment Fox.”

  
“What do you want?”

“Fox I want you to make love to me.”

Well I suppose at least Alex still wanted me that way, I suppose that’s better than him not wanting me at all.

XXXXXXXXXX

I just lay there as we went through the usual routine, the same act of Fox wanting love while I wanted pain.

“Do it harder Fox.”

“Very demanding aren’t you Alex?”

“Just hurt me and make me feel it.”

“Why do you always want it this way Alex?”

“What way?”

“You never want to make love, it’s just like you want me to hurt you all the time.”

“For God’s sake just shut the fuck up Fox, all I want is for you to hurt me, rape me and make me feel it.”

I realized too late what I’d just said, I felt Fox get up off the bed then leave the room. What the fuck had I just done to both of us, there would be no going back at all now it was over.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe what Alex had just said to me, did he see me just as a rapist and not his lover anymore. I lay down on the couch, there was no way I could stay in that room with Alex. I’d spent all this time having to live with what I’d done, I thought Alex loved me and it was the past, I guess I was wrong.

I couldn’t stop the tears once they started, I just felt so alone and lost. I must have finally fallen asleep at some point, that or cried myself to sleep. I woke to find Alex stood over me fully dressed, it was then that I noticed the bag.

“Where are you going Alex?”

“Out of your life for good.”

“Please Alex don’t do this.”

I was off the couch in seconds and grabbed Alex.

“You’re not leaving me Alex.”

There was no way I planned to lose him again, we had to at least try and work things out.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Fox get off me.”

“Alex do you love me?”

“Yes that’s why I want to leave.”

“If you really love me we can work it out.”

“I don’t know any more Fox.”

“Please try for me then, one week and if it doesn’t work out you can leave.”

Great I felt like shit and he was been nice, I had to try and fight this for his sake and my own.

“One week Fox that’s all.”

“That’s all I ask Alex and that you talk to me, we won’t sort out anything otherwise.”

How the hell could I tell Fox what I’d done, If I did it would hurt him far worse than this.

XXXXXXXXXX

Now I had just one week to convince Alex to stay, first I would need to deal with what was bothering him.

“I will try and give you some space Alex, I will even sleep on the couch if that’s what you want?”

“No Fox it’s not what I want.”

“So what do you want?”

“I want you however I don’t deserve you Fox.”

“Why don’t you deserve me?”

“Because I’m not the man you think I am.”

“You Alex are the man I love that’s who you are.”

“I don’t deserve your love.”

“Look Alex I won’t push you, I just want you to think about how happy we will be apart.”

“Okay I promise Fox.”

I truly hoped something would change, I had one week to try and find the problem. 

XXXXXXXXXX

That night I lay in bed with Fox, I felt really dirty having to do this to him. I lay there as tears streamed down my face, I should have just left earlier while I had the chance.

“Alex Babe.”

“What Fox?”

“Are you crying?”

“I’m okay.”

“Please talk to me Babe.”

“It’s nothing I’m okay just drop it Fox.”

“Fine I will for now.”

I lay in his arms while he kissed my tears away, he made me feel so loved and wanted. I just wanted to stay in his arms forever, however I already knew my time was running out. I’d already ignored all of Spenders calls, I also knew he would be pissed as the injection was due.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t figure out what was going on in Alex’s head, it hurts so much to see him this upset. However things were to come to a head two days later, we’d tried talking but to no avail as Alex wasn’t cooperating at all.

We were awake in bed and I could tell Alex’s brain was working overtime, suddenly he jumped up and off the bed.

“I’m going Fox, God I’m so sorry but I can’t stay here any longer.”

“Please Alex just talk to me.”

I stood up blocking Alex’s way out of the bedroom.

“Move Fox, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“I’m not moving, you’re the one that’s making all of this hard Alex.”

“I don’t want to hurt you Fox, however if you don’t move I’ll have no choice.”

“Same here Babe.”

I slammed Alex hard against the wall and shoved him on the bed, I then grabbed my cuffs and fastened them to the bed post. Now Alex would talk even if it killed me, I knew to start with he was going to be extremely pissed off.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Mulder what the fuck are you doing?”

“Making you talk that’s what.”

“You said that you wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Alex I’m not doing it to hurt you Babe.”

“I’m not talking Fox so just let me go.”

“Fine I will give you some time alone to re think.”

Fox walked out of the room and slammed the door, I now had no way of escaping at all. I could always tell him the truth how I lied to him, also injected him just to save myself. Even I knew that wasn’t a good idea, Fox would kill me before Spender even had a chance.

I guess I was stuck here until Fox decided different, he finally came back later on to try talking again.

XXXXXXXXXX

“Are you ready to talk Alex?”

“I have nothing to say, why do this to me Fox when you could just let me go?”

“Is that what you really want?”

“Yes for your safety and my own.”

“So why are you crying Alex?”

Alex was one hell of a stubborn bastard at times, I felt like I was just going around in circles all the time.

“What is it that’s so bad Alex, too bad to even be able to tell me?”

“Because it would hurt you Fox.”

“What and this isn’t hurting me Alex?”

“I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

Suddenly we were interrupted by some loud banging on the apartment door.

“Please Fox don’t answer the door.”

“Why?”

“Just don’t.”

“I’ll be back in a minute you just wait there.”

XXXXXXXXXXX

Was that Fox’s idea of a joke, like I could move even if I wanted too? It was then I heard the voice I hated, I couldn’t believe that Spender had actually come here. From my location I could see nothing at all, I knew I would just have to listen really hard.

I was just praying that no harm would come to Fox, this was my problem and my mess to deal with.

XXXXXXXXXX  
“What do you want?”

“I believe you have Alex Krycek staying here.”

“And what if I do.”

“I just need a quick word with him Agent Mulder.”

“Well I’m sorry but you’re not welcome in my home, arrange an appointment with Skinner.”

Before I had chance to say anything else his goons burst in, both were armed and ordered me to sit on the couch.

“Where is Krycek?”

“Fuck you Spender.”

“I don’t care if you have to tear this place apart, both of you go look for him now.”

I had to just sit there at gunpoint while they searched for Alex, I was also wondering just what the connection was between Alex and Spender. Why he wanted Alex, also why he’d risk coming here to look for him?

XXXXXXXXXX

I sat there as the door opened, great Spender had arrived with his usual goons in tow.  
The look on their face was priceless as they saw the cuffs, one of them then went to call Spender.

“Sir I think you need to come and see this.”

“Ha Alex dear boy was it a lovers tiff or some form of bondage, or did Mulder actually find out something about you.”

“He knows nothing.”

“You two escort Mr. Krycek in to the room.”

“Sir he’s cuffed.”

“I am well aware of that fact, Agent Mulder give me the key.”

“Go screw yourself.”

“Have it your way Agent Mulder, one of you two get me a sharp knife now.”

Shit it was then I realized he planned to cut my hand off.

“Fox please give him the key.”

“Fine but only because you asked Alex.”

“How touching Agent Mulder, maybe you really don’t know anything.”

I was UN cuffed and shoved in to the room, shit Spender then forced me down on my knees. I felt one of the goons grab my hair hard, however that wasn’t as bad as the gun pointing at my temple.

XXXXXXXXXX

“What the fuck are you doing, just let him go.”

“Shut up Agent Mulder.”

I had to just sit there as they grilled Alex, yet he was remaining as stubborn as ever even with the gun on him.

“Alex why haven’t you been to see me?”

“Not here Spender.”

“What’s up dear boy, don’t you want to talk in front of your lover.”

“Please I’ll tell you just not here.”

“You had your chance Alex, time’s up now.”

Shit I felt really sick when Alex started to talk, I realized there was defiantly something going on between them. I also had this gut feeling that I was in the middle, Alex was most certainly hiding something from me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Great I was on my knees at gunpoint, not that I had anything worth living for now anyway.

“Alex answer me now, why didn’t you do the job I sent you here to do?”

“I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“You never had a choice Alex, maybe it’s time Agent Mulder learnt a few truths about the man he loves.”

“You can’t tell him.”

“I don’t plan on telling him anything Alex, I will let you have the honour of telling him yourself.”

“I won’t.”

“One more time Alex, tell Agent Mulder who you work for.”

“The F.B.I under Assistant director Walter Skinner.”

“How about the truth this time, as you’re really trying my patience now.”

Fuck I started to scream as he had his goons cut away my tee shirt that was when I felt the cold metal blade against my warm skin.

“Shit I can’t take this anymore, shit I work for him Fox and I’m so sorry.”

Well it was now finally out in the open, now I knew Fox would never trust me again.

XXXXXXXXXX

I was totally shocked by Alex’s admission, what the hell was going on around here.

“What do you mean, you work for him Alex?”

“Back when you kicked me out Fox I had no one, Spender took me in and payed all my tuition fees.”

“So it’s all my fault.”

“I don’t blame you as I was just heartbroken, also I was just young and gullible too. Just to top it off I had nothing left, no job, no home or anything.”

“God Alex I’m so sorry for everything, so what does he expect in return.”

“Ask him Fox not me.”

“You black lunged bastard, what the hell have you done to him, just get out and leave us alone.”

“I told you Agent Mulder, Alex can answer to all his own crimes.”

I had to sit there and watch as one of the goons lashed out, he full on kicked Alex in the side. I heard him cry out and knew it must have hurt, yet Alex just took it and still refused to talk.

XXXXXXXXXX

“I’ve already told you before Spender that I’m not saying anything.”

Shit I heard the safety catch released on the gun, then it was pressed even harder against my head.

“Talk Alex or I’ll have you shot right here, right now.”

“Do it then.”

I couldn’t look up as I heard Fox crying, it broke my heart and I knew I had no right to be with him.

“Alex dear boy just ask yourself one question.”

“What?”

“Is Fox Mulder worth dying for, would you rather die so he didn’t have to suffer?”

“Yes he’s worth dying for.”

“Fine have it your way Alex.”

  
I closed my eyes and waited for the bullet, then all I heard was Fox screaming at me.

XXXXXXXXXX

“For fucks sake Alex just tell me what you did.”

“I betrayed you Fox, don’t worry about me anymore.”

I no longer cared if Spender shot me, I got up and knelt in front of Alex, I then pulled him too me.

“Talk to me now Alex, for fucks sake what are you achieving by this. I love you too much to just watch them kill you, also I want to hear it from you, not their version later on.”

“For God’s sake Fox, I made a deal with Spender so he’d leave me alone. The deal was to control you Fox, God and I came so close to doing it.”

Shit I hated Spender more than ever, Alex was reduced to this because I stopped for a coffee one day.I knew I owed it to Alex to at least hear him out, also there was the fact that I still loved him.

XXXXXXXXXX

I decided that I had nothing left to lose, the time had come to tell Fox everything.

“Spender gave me the job of working with you Fox, at first it was just to watch then it all changed. That night you thought you were drunk was when I did it, I injected you with something to make you forget about the consortium.”

Shit it was getting harder and harder to talk, I could no longer control the tears I shed or deal with the pain in my heart.

“Alex carry on as I have to know.”

“I was supposed to inject you once a month, but I couldn’t do it to you and that’s why I wanted to leave.”

“Is that why you’ve been so distant Alex, so why didn’t you just save yourself?”

“When we were together we had some good times, however I’d only wanted one thing Fox, and I just wanted you to love me back. When I started working for Spender I still loved you, yet part of me wanted revenge for what you had done. Then you had to go and tell me you did love me and always had, so I couldn’t hurt you more than I already had.”

“What did Spender expect from you Alex once you had injected me?”

Great now I had to tell Fox the price of my work.

XXXXXXXXXX

I had to know what Alex had expected in return otherwise we might as well just end it all now.

“Come on Alex, you’ve come this far so just tell me.”

“The price was you Fox.”

“What do you mean I was the price?”

“Once you were injected I’d be able to influence you Fox, that way you would want to be with me”

“So you could have had everything, why refuse then as you would have me anyway.”

“Because it would have been a lie, I wanted you to love me for who I was, I never wanted it to be forced from you.”

Shit Alex had been willing to die for me, I knew I couldn’t live without him no matter what he’d done. I was brought out of my daydreaming by Spender, God I hated the man with a passion.

“Now you know Agent Mulder just what your lover is capable of, hell I bet you won’t even care anymore when I pull the trigger!”  
I just needed time to think, however I knew time was running out for Alex.

  
XXXXXXXXXX

All I wanted was for all this too end, yet here was Fox prolonging it. I was quiet surprised when I heard Fox’s soft voice, even more so when I realized he was talking to Spender.

“So you would have left us alone had Alex done it, you know kept on injecting me.”

“Yes neither one of you would have to deal with me, Alex would have carried on as an F.B.I Agent and your lover.”

“Fine I will inject myself if that’s what it takes, I want what you offered Alex.”

Fuck it suddenly hit me what Fox was doing, God he was making a deal with the devil himself. 

XXXXXXXXXX

I knew that it was a risk, however I wasn’t prepared to watch Alex die, not now or ever especially at the hands of Spender.

“Why should I make a deal with you Agent Mulder?”

“Why not as it was what you wanted, also you harm him and I’ll kill you myself.”

“Is that a threat Agent Mulder?”

“No it’s a fuckin promise.”

“Fine you win Agent Mulder no more games, you will have to let one of my men inject you every month. You keep your side of the deal and Alex remains alive, you refuse he will die instantly without any questions.”

“Fine I agree, so when do we start then?”

“The condition is that we inject you now Agent Mulder, afterwards we will go leaving Alex here with you.”

“Okay just do it then.”

I sat back on the couch and watched as Spender prepared it, I was more worried for Alex than I was for myself. Jesus I could tell by his body that he was sobbing, it hurt so much but I was unable to comfort him at the moment.

XXXXXXXXXX

I couldn’t believe Fox was going through with it for me, I had to make on last attempt to stop him.

“Fox please I’m begging you, don’t do this please.”

“It’s too late Alex and this time it’s my own choice.”

All I could do was watch as Spender injected Fox, soon he fell asleep on the couch then Spender turned to me.

“Sit on the couch Alex and hold your hands out, you will be re cuffed.”

It was hard work moving, I felt like I’d been on my knees for ages.

“Listen and listen well Alex, you can sit there until your lover wakes as he can remove the cuffs. If I were you I‘d spend that time thinking about how lucky you are Alex to be alive. You ever cross me again and you’re dead.”

I just sat there as Spender left along with his goons, now all I could do was think about things. I wasn’t thinking about how lucky I was, I was thinking about what Fox had just sacrificed for me.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shit I woke with one hell of a headache and a sick feeling, yet I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed Alex. He had his head resting on my shoulder, he was also fast asleep. He was snoring ever so lightly, that was when I noticed the cuffs and remembered everything.

I got up to get the key, once the cuffs were removed I massaged his wrists. Soon Alex was no longer snoring, he opened those gorgeous eyes that I wanted to see forever.

“Spender never hurt you did he Alex?”

“No he just left me here with you, shit I still can’t believe you did that for me Fox.”

“Alex you were willing to die for me, die for the man who had hurt you so much in life. I raped you Alex, it was because of me you ended up with Spender in the first place.”

“Fox this is far different.”

“No Alex its not, you once asked me to remember you. Alex I will always remember you babe, the injection made no difference as I have an eidetic memory and I don’t think Spender knows.”

“You mean you remember everything.”

“Yes Alex everything, so Spender didn’t win we did. I will also remember what you did for me, you owed me nothing Alex.”

XXXXXXXXXX

I sat there totally stunned, I’d spent the month worrying for nothing. I was glad Fox remembered everything, it meant he was here because he wanted to be.

“You’re my life Fox my other half, without you I’m nothing.”

If life hadn’t had all the ups and downs we’d suffered, we might not be where we are today. As for Fox I will make sure he always remembers me, as this was meant to be.  
Remember Me  
By CarolelaineD  
19/09/15


End file.
